Description: This is a re-write because I had a lot of comments about how to cliché the original was. I, personally, didn't write the whole re-write. Dismentled did. Thanks bunches... you're a sweetheart.
Medicine Cabnet -------------------------------------------
Looking into her eyes
I want to take it all away
a poor tired soul
growing weakend by the day
eyes' once so beautiful, full of color
vibrant; now stairing back, so cold and grey
hair fallen over face
just a few strands
swaying in and out.
yearns just to sleep
a small break from it all
but remains awake and crys
a beautiful skin
now dampened in tears;
tears of pain
tears that'll never go away
behind this hollow reflection
lyes relief!...?
thorugh tylenol, xanax; blades
the beauty of life through
the grim gift of death...
a dying reflection so potent
I'm sorry to say...
"tis mine"
This is an awesome poem, it reminds me of some dieing very slowly, the line "growing weakend by the day" couldn't you say weaker by the day, i'm not saying what you have is wrong but the first time i read it i had to stop and reread it. ~liz~
I liked this version too. Perhaps better. Didni't think the other was too cliché. Like I said. How can a work of the heart and emotion be cliché? When its truly felt. Might be a common feeling for some, but not for the one who wrote. Either way both pieces are good. I love your work. *Goes to stalk you* ~BCute
We end up chasing this reflection, with an unsteady beat. Really liked this one a little different expression worked great. Make sure the the cabnet doors are closed don't wont that 'blade' to fall out. You answered the ? tis mine , just fine, HA sorry bout that Keep it up really came off well
Submission Name: Medicine Cabnet
