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The date (revised)


Author: mimi
ASL Info:    30/f/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111
Words: 154
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 968
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 984



Description:




The date (revised)



Came to share a glass of wine
and catch a rerun.
To share a joke, a smoke.
A kiss, a stroke.
A first or second date.
THere was the time we met.
wet my
appitite
to set the date.
Too early in our acquaintance
for me to acquiesce
to what you have in mind.
To the needs that form inside
I want to let you
slide your lips
across my collar bone
glide your hips
and smooth the tremors.
I sip the wine
and focus on the
conversation.
Not the touch of your hands
or the demands
that rise
with some surprise
I'm aching to reach
and to teach
my walls the
feel of your desires.
To stroke the fires to life
pretend we're man and wife.
I could sit or turn my head,
and meet your lips
rise my hips
I need to decide which way to take
the date.




Submitted on 2005-05-03 18:04:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Hey Mimi,

This is a typical description of what a date is or could be, the things you'd want that person to do and also the things you want to do... I do believe that it all depends on what you want to do on a date....All the moves you make will forecast what will happen later down that night....

Found it pretty cool to read. I noticed that this was revised...I was wondering how the original one looked like...Hoping to find the original...

To me, it was a good attempt with it's own originality yet at certain points, i felt that the piece could had been stronger...It seemed to me like you wanted to keep a certain pattern of the date or keep the flow of your thoughts. You didn't drift away from the scene at all but i still felt that it could had been more powerful...Maybe add a few twists to it...Maybe like certain things that go wrong in a date or maybe a total perfection...I don't know...Add something that does not make it look too common...It's good in its own way but somehow i felt that it needed a twist.

Anyhow, i enjoyed this....Do take care until we meet again....

Irina
| Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  THIS WAS KIND OF ORIGINAL WITH A LITTLE FLAVOR ADDED TO IT. I LIKED THE WAY YOU ORGANIZED IT. IT HAD A GOOD CONCEPT. GOOD JOB !
| Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by J-IDENTITY | [ Reply to This ]


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