Blood by Blindly-N-Love

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Submission Name: Blood dots

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Author:	Blindly-N-Love
ASL Info:	17/F
Elite Ratio:	4.61 - 197/141/29
Words:	119

Class/Type:	Misc/Passion
Total Views:	294
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	758

Description:
A state of mind!!

Blood

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I painted a picture today
This painting has alot of twists
It was made from the blood
From my very own wrists
When people see it they flench
Their souls become trapt within
They'll be stuck in there forever
Living with chaos and sin
They know that they wont get out
And from inside of that picture, they'll die
I never meant for it to happen
But as soon as that person walked by
It phened on their blood
And made them a prisoner for life
And each day, there's new blood
Because they found the hidden knife
They took their life away
And let the blood drain
For thats all the picture wanted
Was for blood to rain

Submitted on 2005-05-03 18:56:01 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Very cool, I can totally see why this is your featured work. I like the chain reaction that the painting brings, which is a twist within itself.

I would love to see this in a short story form, if you write like that.

Suggestion: Well, I'm a big advocate for not rhyming a lot - I think that so long as the rhythm is good, you don't need rhymes - so I would try to take out some of the rhyming words. But this wasn't packed with pointless rhyming, so I won't worry.
| Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by JKPS613 | [ Reply to This ]
  i agree with Graeme.. it was a really good change from something that everyone writes about. It did have a few times where i think it could be better, where it didnt seem to fit in. but overall...i loved it-
good job-
jenn
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, this is a nicely different twist to an oft-written subject.
I think you lost the plot slightly a couple of times, but it was good enough to bounce over the bumps and read well.
I liked it a lot
Be Happy
Graeme
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very deep. I can almost feel the pain, and envision someone so down that this is what life resorts to. I can certainly relate.

Very nice flow, and the rhyming is subtle, but smooth. I enjoyed this piece, and hope to read more from you.
| Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
  Amazing. I know its not a 'good' review to just tell you that I really relate to this peice but I trully do. I don't even have any advice on this one because I loved it so much. It made me feel like an outsider to your pain even though its so similare to my own. I really do want to read more of your work.
| Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by PiecesOfMyHeart | [ Reply to This ]

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