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    dots Submission Name: Shadowsdots

    Author: samyalone
    ASL Info:    17/f/my room
    Elite Ratio:    3.85 - 93/67/18
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 1158
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 506


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    as the night unfolds, the shadow grows
    it's stronger now, and holds more secrets
    it dances by the candle light and -
    fades in the sun
    but, always waiting for night, so it can:
    taunt, haunt, scare, tear and sadden her
    her dark past is woven into its dark life
    and - with each passing night it grows stronger
    with more to tell
    and once again it pulls her
    into the dark thought -
    of her own life
    where she is all alone

    Submitted on 2005-05-03 19:24:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      deep. this isnt a just on the surface, put all of it out tehre kind of poem. this is subtle. very nice! i really like this one:) keep this up!
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by star_on_fire22 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I think you have some mighty good substance, though form was lacking in my opinion. But maybe that's what you wished...although I think it would have been better had you changed it up a bit...like instead of: "as the night unfolds, the shadow grows
    it's stronger now, and holds more secrets
    it dances by the candle light and -
    fades in the sun"

    You could say something like:

    As the shadowed night unfolds
    In the light the shadow grows
    How strong it is now
    Holding secrets and how
    Dancing in the candlelight
    Fading into the sun of night

    Eh, just some tinkering. Just some ideas. Until next time...

    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
      it was ok. It didn't really capture my attention though becuase many of the other poems on this sight are similar to this one. There wasnt a clear cut rythm in this piece which kindof threw me off. other than that it was ok
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]
      Good, yet I think that it would have been stronger if you added more of a rhyming scheme to it! And Im kindof unsure about its meaning, but I mean its still really good.
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by Blindly-N-Love | [ Reply to This ]
      This prose was good and it echoed of loneliness. I think it may have been a personal piece so I wouldn't necessarily change that because it may have meaning to only one?
    I like non-rhyming prose as it lends itself well to intimate expression.

    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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