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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Lipsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 264
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 957
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1478



    Description:
       Don't really know. Something i wrote when i thought bout my boyfriend and how it all started...somehow


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Lipsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The adoration you feel when looking at my face,
    You see the texture of my skin; you see my grace.
    The temptation I bring to your heart when I smile,
    Takes everything you are to get through after a while.
    The love you feel confused when it comes to lust,
    You do not know what to feel; what is it you trust.

    You want me but puzzled; you do not know how,
    Care not what it takes to get me is what you vow.
    You want everything I am beginning with a kiss,
    Paradise between you and me has been created like this.
    You want what you canít get with the touch of my lips,
    I got you where I wanted you, right at my fingertips.

    The admiration you feel when looking in my eyes,
    I had much more to give than what you had realized.
    The attraction I brought you is more than just physical,
    I took this magnetism and brought it beyond mental.
    The adoration you feel is confusing the inside and out,
    You do not know if this is now what you can live without.

    You got into my mind and my heart with a simple talk,
    And now I am falling for you waiting for a plain walk.
    You got everything I am and all of that with a small kiss,
    I closed my eyes as you came closer; felt a sense of bliss.
    You got exactly what you thought you couldnít of get,
    And the way it all started is something I cannot forget.





    Submitted on 2005-05-03 19:36:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i absolutly love this pice. i love the way that is showed all you felt with out openly saying it.
    how you allowed it to lead to love in the pice the same way it led up to it with you in life.
    i loved how your rhym and flow was as perfectly chosen as a love the comes from such things as what you feel now.
    this is truly an amazingly written pice from the first hand point of view. but i do have one thing to say. if this is really what happend with you and a guy... don't assume he may be pulling the same thing on you ;)
    love and light
    Archer
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by Archer | [ Reply to This ]
      Well first let me say,this piece was written with good intentions. I got kind of lost in the second stanza, when you said:

    "You want me but puzzled;you do not know how..."
    It seemed pretty off balance for a minute.When first reading it didn't read as a poem of love,but toward the end everything became clear.

    There were areas I did like and could feel something emerging for example the line(s):

    "The admiration you feel when looking in my eyes, I had so much to give than what you realized.
    The attrection I brought you is more than physical, I took this magnetism and brought it beyond mental."
    There is power and feeling in those lines and I really like that. All in all this is not a bad piece other then the fact you can get a little lost reading it.

    Not a bad job...Take care.
    Violet
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by Winterbliss | [ Reply to This ]


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