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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Herdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PiecesOfMyHeart
    ASL Info:    14/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 22/21/9
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 288
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 691



    Description:
       I wrote this looking in the mirror wondering who I was and what people see when they look at me. Can people tell by my apperience or actions that I'm a broken soul, an unsolved puzzel, a dying flame?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her-
    wanting, waiting, hopeing, trying.
    Busy New York heat.
    Picking up her bag,
    walking away, down the street.

    Her-
    sitting, remembering, wishing, crying.
    Alone in the dark,
    thinking to herself
    on a hard bench in Central Park.

    Her-
    hurting, breaking, choking, dying.
    Laying on her bed,
    memories play-
    laughing, mocking, taunting- in her head.

    I turn.
    I see.
    Beautiful, ugly.
    Skin-fair, pale;
    Lips-lush, longing;
    Eyes-empty, shallow.
    I turn.
    In the glass, I see her,
    And she is me...




    Submitted on 2005-05-03 19:53:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this was good. i gree with blindly-n-love alot of poeple could realate to this.i don't know what else to say. idon't see anythjing wrong with this.
    my fave line was

    "In the glass, I see her,
    And she is me..."

    the ending i loke the most.
    hope to hear from. hope to see more of you writings.
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by seven11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Location can really be an influence. And you had it. Allowing the experimental girl lead us along the way.
    One thing if I were to be as bold to say-
    The reveal at the end, doesn't work for me.
    I stand 100 times in favor, knowing that you could of done a little better.
    Other than that the arrangement was dynamic
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok. . this was a really good heart felt peice. And I think that most everyone can relate you. And knowing that you build the suspense before you let them know it was you, letting them know that you were a broken soul and everything like that. Kindof feeling you in on it all, then saying oh yeah its me! GREAT
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by Blindly-N-Love | [ Reply to This ]



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