Description: Just in case any of my friends are wondering about the line "Killed from this act of treason," don't think anything of it...just a reference to my mental state-of-being today...anyways, any advice/thoughts/suggestions are welcome...constructive criticism always helps
Awwww AlanDrew is smitten. I liked the beginning, darkness is very appealing...i didn't really like the ending, i'm not a lovey-dovey person. everyone i guess faces that darkness and loneliness. i'm happy you've found ur counterpart.
Sounds like you've been bitten by the *love bug*...sry for the cheesy-ness. Anyways.... It's quite sweet, the last stanza is alright....I really can't stand the 3rd and 4th stanza's though, to be perfectly honest. They rhyme too much, ya know? The rhyming distracted me from the meaning. Anyways, I liked reading it, especially the last bits. Right on, Peace.
I liked this dramatically written poem that starts out speaking of dread and ends telling what the mystery was and it was the lose of a lover. Written in rhyming verse I am pleased the message wasn't comprised at all. You are creative with your descriptions. I liked this poem. `always write poetry, Cheryl.
I agree that the 5th stanza was sort of a change from the rest...or maybe the first 4 was just leading up to the 5th? Anyway, I think it's a fairly good read.. I can somewhat feel the desperation as I read it. And then it's as if you awaken to discover it's all a dream...and it makes you realize what's really important...and that's being with the one you love? or that's what I got from it. ~Sandra
wow...i liked it but it was a strange twist in the middle from feeling horrid to longing for a lover...i like it, but maybe a smoother transition. I love the second paragraph...very good metaphor. I dont really like rhyming poems, but you did this fairly well. good job. laura
Very thought-provoking indeed. The last line of "Forever..." is a common dramatic effect that I usually don't care much for, but you pulled it off in this piece. Your diction was appropriate for your work and I appologize that I am at a loss for criticism.