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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Recurring Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gravitic
    ASL Info:    20/m/tn
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 28/30/8
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 658
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 694



    Description:
       Just in case any of my friends are wondering about the line "Killed from this act of treason," don't think anything of it...just a reference to my mental state-of-being today...anyways, any advice/thoughts/suggestions are welcome...constructive criticism always helps


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRecurring Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why do I feel like this?
    There’s no good reason
    Falling into the abyss
    Killed from this act of treason

    Being filled with strife
    Needing to feel bolder
    The flame of my life
    Less than a smolder

    I am not alone
    Feeling like a meaningless drone
    Voices sound so monotone
    Only able to utter a groan

    A recurring dream
    A single light beam
    A want to scream
    It’s only a dream

    I now know what I want
    To wake with her next to me
    For her to be my confidant
    From now until eternity

    To be with her
    Forever…

    @




    Submitted on 2005-05-03 20:56:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Awwww AlanDrew is smitten. I liked the beginning, darkness is very appealing...i didn't really like the ending, i'm not a lovey-dovey person. everyone i guess faces that darkness and loneliness. i'm happy you've found ur counterpart.
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by Dead_inside187 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like love to me,but, then again might just be wishful dreaming. At any rate good luck on your reoccuring dream. Maybe it will come true for you.
    !Doc`
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like you've been bitten by the *love bug*...sry for the cheesy-ness. Anyways.... It's quite sweet, the last stanza is alright....I really can't stand the 3rd and 4th stanza's though, to be perfectly honest. They rhyme too much, ya know? The rhyming distracted me from the meaning. Anyways, I liked reading it, especially the last bits. Right on, Peace.

    -LucyDiamond
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
      touching. it was ok, im not much into love poems but it was good for what it was. thought u could be more precice in ur feelings or mabye ur object of writing.
    overall not bad
    -sun
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by Sun | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this dramatically written poem that starts out speaking of dread and ends telling what the mystery was and it was the lose of a lover. Written in rhyming verse I am pleased the message wasn't comprised at all. You are creative with your descriptions. I liked this poem. `always write poetry, Cheryl.
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree that the 5th stanza was sort of a change from the rest...or maybe the first 4 was just leading up to the 5th? Anyway, I think it's a fairly good read.. I can somewhat feel the desperation as I read it. And then it's as if you awaken to discover it's all a dream...and it makes you realize what's really important...and that's being with the one you love? or that's what I got from it.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...i liked it but it was a strange twist in the middle from feeling horrid to longing for a lover...i like it, but maybe a smoother transition. I love the second paragraph...very good metaphor. I dont really like rhyming poems, but you did this fairly well. good job.
    laura
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by etheariac | [ Reply to This ]
      Very thought-provoking indeed. The last line of "Forever..." is a common dramatic effect that I usually don't care much for, but you pulled it off in this piece. Your diction was appropriate for your work and I appologize that I am at a loss for criticism.
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by Bijou de Mort | [ Reply to This ]


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