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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Raving Heartbeatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 306
    Class/Type: Story/Passion
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1782



    Description:
       This was inspired by Xadrian...a guy I met awhile back but it is a bit like my encounter with him...not exactly the events are fiction but the emotions are my own.Tll me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRaving Heartbeatdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She stood in the middle of the crowd, an ocean of colors all blending together. She was completely unaware of reality, completely caught in the moment and unsure if she ever wanted to disturb it.Bodies moved, inweaving together making the crowd and the music one heartbeat.

    In the midst of the chaos her eyes rested on one figure. A boy standing apart in the crowd like she.He was as unaware of her as she was of the music and the dancing that she had abandoned upon seeing him.Her moment had changed and she was becoming something else.Something closer.

    Her head felt dizzy but she was still strangley capable of keeping her balance in all the confusion of the rave.

    The music and the dancing, though she could still hear them, became a muffled beat in her body. The intensity of the dance had subsided only to be replaced with adoration for this new figure.

    His eyes were closed...he stood completely still except two glowstiks in each hand that he wove into a web of magic. The colors became infused with each other and glided through his fingers like snakes...his pets, and he treated them as such.They were his little darlings...part of him.
    The passion that illuminated in his eyes once they opened amazed her evden more.

    She stood frozen, incapable of moving toward hi8m and unsure of what she would say even if she were able to confront him. And before her mind could completely register her hesitation he dissapeared.His brilliance was lost into the crowd and he blended into the madness.For a moment she watched for him but the beat in her throbbed and pounded against her chest and she felt herself slipping away as well. She was part of him in being part of the crowd. A raving heartbeat.




    Submitted on 2005-05-04 09:27:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this a lot. I didn't quite see it going where it did. Which was part of the awesomeness of it.
    I liked the setting and the imagery you used.
    Finding something poetic about a rave. *nods*
    Takes some excellent insight.
    ~BCute
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      nice. However, just based off reading this alone, though fairly well-done, it seems as though you could have done better. Your personification and imagery are great at times, than they tend to slip, and reapear again, it's taunting
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      this was nice. very descriptive. I could feel the moment as it unfolded. there were a couple spelling mistakes..but who am i to judge? I really enjoyed the opening and how you descibed the glowsticks as weaving a web of magic and as pets...
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]


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