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    dots Submission Name: The Enddots

    Author: Sun
    ASL Info:    18/m/tn
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 43/54/14
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 1622
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 615


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    dotsThe Enddots

    A 9 mil in the glove compartment
    a deathwish on the trigger
    tears on the windshield
    and fog on the mirror

    He wrote his final thoughts on a piece of paper
    he addressed it to the church
    he cant contain the phrophey's alone
    so he gave up before it got any worse

    he drives with the windows down
    on a deserted highway
    the wind in his hair
    dances like ricochete

    he slows the car down to a stop
    the note flutters in the wind
    there was blood on his left hand
    and on his right his last sin.

    Submitted on 2005-05-04 09:55:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "there was blood on his left hand
    and on his right his last sin."

    That line "spoke" to me. The whole poem spoke to me actually. That poem was beautifully written...you show the lighter side of the dark, if that's possible. I personally think its perfect the way it is.
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by Dead_inside187 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really good, but, it just didn't appeal to me. and also this doesn't sound to much like a religious poem. So yah, it was okay.

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good even though i don't like religious
    pieces. This discrpiton was great and the images i have from the poem was good. the only thing i would change that i would add more to the middle and inlaberate in way this person is doing this. other than tha it was good
    my fave line was

    "the wind in his hair
    dances like ricochete"

    keep up the good work. hope to hear from you.
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by seven11 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. that was amazing. I love all the imagry you use in this. just reading this, I could see everything so vividly. great work. on a downside, I didn't think the flow of the second stanza worked very well. it was good and it made a lot of logical sence in the poem, however, the structure of it just didn't flow ver well with the rest of the poem. anyways, good work and I hope to read more of your work soon. welcome to Elite Skills.

    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Gravitic | [ Reply to This ]
      the wind in his hair
    dances like ricochete

    That line is excellent. This piece gave me a vivid picture of a man who can't live with his sins. The flow was exquisite. very nice indeed. Keep up the great writing.
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]

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