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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Death Walkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nebnim
    ASL Info:    21 - Female - My Room
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 284/405/75
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1110
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1580



    Description:
       As a side note, the "XXXXXX" signifies a turn of events. I wasn't sure if I should put it in or not. I may take it out..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeath Walkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I walked with Death beside the sea
    His clammy hand had beckoned me
    His touch was cooled by evenings shade
    And 'round his black robes shadows played

    My heart was weary, numb and worn
    For I'd murdered Hope that very morn
    And shackled Faith in chains of care
    Remorse, bitterness and despair

    So now, though Death was by my side
    I felt no fear. The lonely tide
    In mournful monotone did chant
    Death's March. Dimmly I heard the pant
    Of hungry waters on the sand
    As Death, unyeilding, took my hand

    He led me where the land was thrust
    Up from the sea. A tempered crust
    Of ageless water-sculpted rock
    Where I felt the waves beneath me shock
    On barren cliffs of ashen gray
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Of hungry waters on a raging sea
    And we gazed down, just Death and me
    I felt no fear, for Death seemed kind
    And he promised me peace of mind

    He said, "My love, be not afraid
    The sea of many moods is made
    It's seething foaming at its crest
    But beneath is quiet, peace and rest
    All this I offer now to thee
    If you'll but give your life to me."

    With tearful eyes, I bowed my head
    "Forgive me, Lord," was all I said
    Then down shown Hope, alive and new
    And Faith, unleashed, within me grew

    The sky gleemed with a tint of dawn
    I turned to Death, but Death was gone




    Submitted on 2005-05-04 14:34:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful... but why did you not follow with him? I love so many different lines from this one that I can not just pick one. This is fablous on so many levels. It's going straight to the fav's list.
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by ashlee_jane2003 | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG I loved this totally. This is my kind of writing. I have absolutly nothing bad to say about this. I got great visuals and totally loved the ending. You even had ryhming...that's [censored] awesome. You might appreciate me "Ocean of Defeat" poem, it kinda reminded me of this. Can't wait to read more, keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah, i'm confused about the "xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" too. other than that, you kind of caught me off guard, because i was thinking that this was going to be one of those "no need to fear death" poems. but, the way it turned out was really good too. you found new faith. that's good. i'm happy. rambling, but happy... anyway, good job. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~TaY~
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is indeed a very good write. Deep and emotional. It's like you've reached the very bottom, yet just as you're about ready to give it all up and acquiesce to death.. hope arrives..and death fleas. The whole write was so compelling that when I got to the last two lines I was quite ready for hope to arrive...it was like "yes" this ended well. (lol).
    A very enjoyable and well written poem.
    Take Care!
    ~Sandra

    Oh, and... WELCOME to ELITE!
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Daddy like! this is the best poem i have read on here. it's beautiful, poetically strong, and is nearly flawless. i am totally impressed. the only critique i could offer is a grammatical one, and i'll only give it to you if you want it. this is going in my favorites and i can't wait to read your other stuff. freakin wonderful.
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]


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