Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 30 Seconds of Somedaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: srcastic1
    ASL Info:    18/F/IA
    Elite Ratio:    6.29 - 96/97/28
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 710



    Description:
       This is about someone I've confided in for several months and care very much about. I began talking to him through a close friend who moved several miles away over two years ago. He still visits occasionally to see family, so I've been promised a meeting with the subject of this poem on his next trip. I don't expect a lot of people to understand long-distance relationships, and there definitely aren't a lot of good poems written about them, so maybe this puts it into perspective.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots30 Seconds of Somedaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Let me see our first meeting,
    your adoring gaze, cautious smile.
    Let me bask in the light of your eyes
    to keep warm for a while.
    Until a magnetic surge overcomes me
    and in a second, I'm locked in embrace,
    months of solitude erased,
    our hearts' victorious pace
    represent this aforepromised unity,
    described in your words' caress,
    a lament until ultimately expressed
    in the first ceaceless kiss you commit to me.
    Let me succeed to cede to the taste of that kiss,
    only now a vignette from miles away.
    Let me hide in its bliss until it truly exists
    in our long anticipated "someday".




    Submitted on 2005-05-04 20:40:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh this touched my heart, I too have a friend to whom I realized I love more than anything. He's not far away but the idea of love is.

    On the poem: Wonderful write and great use of vocabulary. It was very short , sweet and heartfelt and I loved it

    Great job
    Violet
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by Winterbliss | [ Reply to This ]
      THis touched me because I am feeling many of thiese same feelings right now. Although under different circumstances. It is not a long distance relationship, but someone that I have known for years. I think you should bask in this until you are soaked to the bone. YOu are sixteen and I would give anything to go back and be sixteen again. I still feel sixteen, I just can't act like it (all the time).
    " Let me succeed to cedede to the taste of that kiss"- I stumbled over this a bit I think you could rework it to read a little smoother with all the "to's".
    I encourage you to be young for as long as you can- it is a glorious time in your life. My daughter is 10 and is just dying to be older- really the world is full of beauty and romance for you now- immerse yourself in it. This is a beautiful piece. Magnolia
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      well...i'd have to say i can defently relate to this...and me and a certian someone have written atleast twenty poems about the longing...wanting to be together to meet to touch to kiss but us living so far away from each other...so yeah... i'm defently understanding... feeling sad because i miss him like crazy...and our distance is killing me...and somedays i wonder if hes real or just my mind playing tricks on me...i think this was written quite well and i enjoyed it...purps
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    57482

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry