There is a moment in time
when everything is quiet, calm,
That moment sinks, and disapears,
comes tears,and fears.
All that was bright, is gone,
nowhere to run.
no escape the choas,
the smoke, the pain.
a wall of rain.
Left with the memory
of one moment in time.
before the choas came
and shattered that moment.
The blood was shed,
the words were said
and I am rooted
to one spot.
Watching and wondering
where the tranquil quiet went to.
Where do I go to follow.
Nothing is left here,
but the rain of tears
and walls of fears.
And A memory
| The way you wrote this poem made it very likeable for me. Personally, I don't really like the source material, but the way it is written is amazing. It reminded me of E.E. Cumming's poem "The Balloon Man". The only thing I can think of is use a better vocabulary, some of your words were kind of bland. Keep the good stuff coming.||| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ] || There is nothing wrong with a little cheesy sometimes as long as you don't make a habit of it. This poem was expressive and I like the form and flow. There were two things that caught my eye: Nothing is let here,- is this suppose to be "left" vice let and it should be chaos not choas(both instances the word was used need to be fixed.)||| Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by auntwheezie | [ Reply to This ] || It was a good poem, I too, liked the idea behind it but the wording could have been a little better. With that said, I did enjoy reading it.||| Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by Geraldine | [ Reply to This ] || i don't think it was cheesy. i know when poetry is cheesy and this most certainly is not in any way cheesy. ahem. now that that's cleared up...i thought it was great. most of the words were pretty ordinary and cliché, but it was still good. ^.^||| Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by darkness child | [ Reply to This ] || This is nice. Life is like that..one moment, a bed of roses and the next, road full of thorns. I liked how you captured it in your poem :)|
Except, you could have used some punctuations and spacings to make it a easy read. Also, words casually written words seems to kill the soul of the poem. Anyways, i liked this deep, dark piece. Good work! and Good luck for your other work. I look forward reading more of it :)
|| Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ] || good Write!|
i too only wish peace and quiet could last longer in the day then it does
we dont have enough time to relax and meditate
the world around us is revolving so fast we can never catch up
Please if you get a chance take a look at my poems and let me know what you think
|| Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ] |