Let me tell a story of a bum lady
I used to know.
It happened sometime ago.
Let me see if I can remember.
It was late december.
It was rainy.
1979-No it was 1980.
There was this bum lady
who lived in my neighberhood
scrounging, just surviving
anyway that she could.
One day she asked me for some money.
And said “I’ll make it up to you someday honey”.
I just laughed as she passed Just another encounter in life..right?
10 years later, I remember the night.
There wasn’t a cloud in sight.
I was outside my house reaching for the stars.
When this woman pulled up in a convertible Jaguar.
She asked me for directions to God knows where.
She looked so rich but wasn’t the type to care.
At her jewelry I just starred.
She said “do you like these?”
I said “well yeah”
Then she said “ahhh yes well I won the lottery”
“you don’t remember me do you” she said
Then like a brick to the side of my head;
It was 1980 you were the bum lady,
Who asked me for money,
And said you’d make it up to me….someday honey.
She said ohhhhh that’s right, that’s funny.
And she laughed,
Then she hit the gas,
and drove off into the night. Just another encounter in life…....right?
(One that came back to bite me right in the ass)
good one again. Guess u got one more fan! Everytime I m fed up with reading lousy poetry, I know I can head to ur page and have a good read.
U have a typo though V11 anyway should be any way.
sarcastic way of funny isn't it? How life ends up biting u in the a -ss
Your piece made me laugh, but when u get to think of it, it is deeper than just the story. It is weird how we always make fun of less fortunate ppl and suck up to those who have the power, the money...
But what will happen if the less fortunate become the ones with the power. there is a saying: there is no oppression like the one by an opressed slave who just gained freedom. ur poem reminds me of it somehow.
PS that's it im stalking u for real, last time i was joking now u got me on ur back hahahah
"It was 1980 you were the bum lady, Who asked me for money, And said you’d make it up to me….someday honey. She said ohhhhh that’s right, that’s funny. And she laughed,"
This part confused me...it made me question who really said the bit about making it up, honey. You might wanna clarify. I know it was the dude, not the lady but in this section your subject is still the woman so it seems like she is the one who said it.
*Sigh* That's why I always do what I can for ppl. I love that movie...can't think of the name, but it's the one where the cop and the waitress split the lottery...that's so cute! Anyway, just wanted to add my two cents to this very interesting piece.
HAHAHAHAHAHA thats hilarious! Sucks to be you man. I wish I could say I would have done something different but... let's be honest majority of bumb just use it on drugs or alcohol. Poetically I don't think there is much to say... I liked the line "Just another day... right? That was good. Great story, and a much needed laugh. Take Care, -Tom
i like this story. IT's kinda funney. I agree that the metering if off but it honestly doesnt' make this a bad poem. I don't get why every one chose to chime in from their moral highhorse about why we should give from the heart seeing as how i doubt you were trying to make a point with this poem. This is indeed good. This is the first thing i read from you that actually reads like you went back and made sure it was damn near perfect before you submitted it. Either that or you are just getting better and better and the sport of creative writing. nonetheless I thank you for this lighthearted banter. I don't believe you when you say that this is true though. It seems to made for T.Vish. You know?
good story, but i have to say, that isnt the reason you should help someone out. If you help someone because you're going to get something out of it, then you're really not helping anyone but yourself. Youre suppose to help people out of the kindness of your heart with no expectation of rewards. anywayzzzzz was a very good story with a 'come back to bite you in the @ss' twist to it
Damn what a story, but thats not the reason I give money to the homeless. I live in Tucson and we have a higher bum ratio than almost any place in the nation because it never rains. No seriously, that is the reason.
I find your peice quite ironic, you never know which way a turn of events is going to turn do you. I like how you put such a good rhyme scheme to this peice, it worked out very nicely. You didn't really have to because it was a strong narrative but it worked out nonetheless.
so is this really true if so thas pretty crazy...if only you'ed given her money...i think it was you before that i had said one of your post reminded me of beat poetry...well if not...thispost reminds me of beat poetry...lol...when read out loud it carries its own beat...or i'm nuts which is possible...at least my therapist says...ianywho...i like it...and the rymning didnt come of forved or anything...in some places though the ryhme seemed right on in others it seemed more subtle...but thas maybe how you intended it...either way i liked it...i likestory poems...purps
interesting...I gotta tell you that I was sure I was coming into a poem about a girl who loves anal sex. So, I'm a little disappointed. Nah- just kidding- I did think it would be about a girl who loves anal sex, but this is a lameman parable. Learned your lesson didn't you? Karma baby- you gotta keep deposting into that universal bank. Yeah, so good job, great flow, awesome rhyme, stunning, ...I like this one. Mags
The rhythm and rhyming (what's the term in looking for) seem a bit difficult. Maybe this says more about my bias than your work, but the poem seems to be caught somewhere between freeform and meter. It seemed pretty much free form until
One day she asked me for some money. And said “I’ll make it up to you someday honey”.
Then my brain dropped into a more metered rhythm only to be kicked out of it again. The work is very good as it stands, but my personal taste would lead to tightning the rhythm or removing the rhymes.
Ha.....ya...Karma is a [censored] and so am i. thats kinda the moral of the story.... to me anyway. i have always been pretty cool to homeless people....that aren't total crack heads or like crazy drunks or something.....ya know ? what am i saying you like in LA...of course you know. anyway..i have bought meals and given cigs...i usually don't give money though.....
hopeully won of the bums i bought a meal wins the lottery and not one of the crackheads i've ignored.