I feel on pleasure, only pain.
My broken heart leaves a bloody stain.
Perfect hatred, that's all I feel.
Before Death's countenance, I faithfully kneel.
Taking on its duties, a most loyal pet.
Don't worry about me, please don't fret.
I have complete control over my life.
I just prefer to live in chaos and strife.
the feeling that went in this poem was deep. i feel like the ending did end to sudden. maybe you should try to have closure in the end. but over all, i felt like that people fret way tooo much over death and trying to get away---but we cant. we are drawn into the hellmouth of the hatred and sometimes, we feel that maybe if we go with this death theory, than maybe life would be easier. this poem spoke to me much deeper than you think or can comprehend in this short message. ------gothichik1
Not too shaby. I'd like to read more though. It ended way too abrubtly. I especially liked the line "taking on it's duties, a most loyal pet". I feel like I'm just someone's pet and I'm only here to obey. Suck's doesn't it?
Kind of dark.. but reads fairly well. In the 1st line it should be "no" instead of "on"? (a typing error I'm sure). I like the last two lines.. it may not have meant to be humorous but it hit me that way.
"I have complete control over my life. I just prefer to live in chaos and strife."
I think I'll use that as my daily quote..lol. Nice write! Take Care! ~Sandra