Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Death's Slavedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Areinaka
    ASL Info:    20, F, Oregon, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 130/114/29
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 891
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 383



    Description:
       I found it in my sketchbook. I just decided to share it since I haven't submitted anything, and I love getting new comments!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeath's Slavedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel on pleasure, only pain.
    My broken heart leaves a bloody stain.
    Perfect hatred, that's all I feel.
    Before Death's countenance, I faithfully kneel.
    Taking on its duties, a most loyal pet.
    Don't worry about me, please don't fret.
    I have complete control over my life.
    I just prefer to live in chaos and strife.




    Submitted on 2005-05-05 10:21:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the feeling that went in this poem was deep. i feel like the ending did end to sudden. maybe you should try to have closure in the end. but over all, i felt like that people fret way tooo much over death and trying to get away---but we cant. we are drawn into the hellmouth of the hatred and sometimes, we feel that maybe if we go with this death theory, than maybe life would be easier.
    this poem spoke to me much deeper than you think or can comprehend in this short message.
    ------gothichik1
    | Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by gothichik1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Not too shaby. I'd like to read more though. It ended way too abrubtly. I especially liked the line "taking on it's duties, a most loyal pet". I feel like I'm just someone's pet and I'm only here to obey. Suck's doesn't it?
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      Kind of dark.. but reads fairly well.
    In the 1st line it should be "no" instead of "on"? (a typing error I'm sure).
    I like the last two lines.. it may not have meant to be humorous but it hit me that way.

    "I have complete control over my life.
    I just prefer to live in chaos and strife."

    I think I'll use that as my daily quote..lol.
    Nice write!
    Take Care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    57526

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Yes written by poetotoe
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Records I written by Raphael
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry