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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Delusions of Divinitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 495



    Description:
       In this piece self = egocentric perceptions of the individual. The premise is that we are more than our self-image and the perceptions of others and that we exist apart from the physical reality.

    Self in this context is not the embodiment of self-awareness.

    In New Testament theology it is referred to as the flesh. If we can release it, we find what is known as Heaven, Eden, Nirvana, or simply paradise.

    I appreciate comments in helping fine-tune the poem.

    Thank You!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDelusions of Divinitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Delusions of divinity,
    My ego thinks it's a messiah.
    In its misplaced arrogance,
    It wants to save my soul.
    It parades its cross,
    Making disruptions.
    It's been crucified and buried
    But it comes back to life, again.
    I understand the need and
    Must change my plan
    Perhaps I can transfigure it.
    Convince it to ascend.
    Heaven is not a place we go.
    It is where we are,
    When the self has gone.




    Submitted on 2005-05-05 21:48:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      release of self to the Divine... our egos seem to get in the way of everything, don't they?

    "it parades its cross..." poor me! it's all about me, isn't it?

    i really enjoyed this and take it much to heart. i do believe we can have heaven on earth... we're just too stupid and too human, i suppose.. *sigh* this is wonderful food for thought Chrys. thanks for sharing.
    !Cat
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Certainly and interesting poem with alot of rhyth. It sounds as if theirs a steady drum beating in the back ground. In Short it has a very nice ring on the ear and would sound quite melodious when read aloud. Some of it though looks a little awkward

    ''But it comes back to life, again''

    Personally I think it would read better like this.

    ''But it comes back to life...
    again.''
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by Mimevas Lemqi | [ Reply to This ]
      Very interesting and enjoyable poem, philosophically, and I quite like it, especially the last five lines, which give the poem a feeling of "I shall rise to the ashes (the self) as a phoenyx and fly far off, yet remaining on the same spot"
    "Comes back to life, again" gives a feeling of recurrence, of a powerful, yet somewhat unpleasant repetition, as though the crucifying were to be repeated again and again.

    My only objection is the 'and' at the end of "I understand the need and", which is difficult to read at the end of a line, and somehow is read not like a word, but like a sigh. However, if that was your intention, it may be a good tool to accentuate a line, and make the reader come back to it, but i would use it in a more important line, like "Perhaps I can transfugure it"

    Well written! :-)
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by alex.vice.grab | [ Reply to This ]


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