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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: -Animated- Flowerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Geremy Smith
    ASL Info:    20/M/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    5.79 - 171/145/23
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 874



    Description:
       Personally...I am highly unsure where this came from. Mainly, not sure if I got the point across. But it was meant to be about working to appraciate and make others happy and wanting some response..but symbolizing them by a flower that is silent no matter how much attention you give to it

    Maybe that makes sense...I don't know...but some feed back would be great, this is the first poem in a while. Enjoy...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots-Animated- Flowerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    That I'm laying at the stem
    Nurturing crude soil, bare hands
    Holding this gently
    My vase of
    top hope decay

    Watch as I
    Fill these hopes all lined with sand
    That the flower will take my hand
    'Cause when I die
    That I've planted will remember
    ...to forget

    Can I seek?
    All I seek is a flower
    Responsive to feel in each breath
    Take these dirt fingers
    Used to nurture this from death

    A bloom so tall
    Twisted, full, and free
    When you think it's to much
    I'll take your hand
    If you take mine

    But you're planted in my vase
    Poured the water one day at a time
    I work to create what can't respond
    Bringing pointless hope for what is mine.




    Submitted on 2005-05-05 23:30:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      as this is, it is very, very good. I think it only needs a little tightening here and there. I think you can make it flow a little better. other than that, it's remarkable. I love the images and the feeling contained in each and every line. nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this so so much...I was hesitant in reading it but I am so so glad that I did...you are an awesome writer and I really really look for more...tah tah my friend
    Fare Thee Well
    Jazmine
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    57638

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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