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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Simple Walk in the Raindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SirensSong
    ASL Info:    15/F/Somewhere
    Elite Ratio:    5.66 - 124/81/9
    Words: 32
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 1092
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 235



    Description:
       I was just out walking in a storm and it felt so good. I had such a rush of inspiration as I usually do when I'm in the rain. (It feels like my Muse is on crack at the moment.) This is just one of the poems I intend to write about me and the rain. This is a happy poem for me, being as I don't get very happy very often. I hope you all can see the light in it. I hope it helps you get to know me better, the other side of me, separate than my other poems. I know this is really different than my usual style, but I'm in a weird mood. Please, don't bash it too hard if you choose to. All I ask is that you're polite about it. I never get mad when people are polite! Ha, sorry. Enjoy! ~SirensSong~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Simple Walk in the Raindots
    -------------------------------------------


    I sit here
    In my dry night-clothes
    And my rain-soaked hair
    My dangling amethyst earrings,
    Forgotten
    A remnant of my previous elegance
    Immediately shed
    Just for a simple walk in the rain.




    Submitted on 2005-05-06 20:28:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Walking in the rain is such an inviting subject for a poem! This is short, but it conveys the mood nicely! Very well done!
    | Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      lovely. very nice.
    | Posted on 2007-03-21 00:00:00 | by HappyBuddaH | [ Reply to This ]
      yepz the rain does good things for yah. its soo peaceful. nice write yo.
    | Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]
      someone recently commented on a poem of mine, and told me it was too short. yet even though this poem is very shor short, it works. its direct, and perfect. i love it
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Roula | [ Reply to This ]
      there is nothing better then walking in the rain! It feels so good to just feel the cool watter dripp down on your face and shake your head with your hair all soaked up with water - wow i love that feeling so i can relate - i love relateing to peoples work because i get a better understand of what they are saying ! Good write - simple but beautiful!
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Thirst4Serenity | [ Reply to This ]
      its really good to
    i like your writings
    a nice change i must say from the pain
    well sort of
    im proud of you this poem seems diffrent
    it just shows your ability to broden your horizens
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by bloodied_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      What a relaxing feel after a walk in the summer rain. Makes one have a very peaceful and smooth night of sleep. A short, but well-written poem..
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem. Not long and drawn out. just short and filled with refreshing thought. I, too, love a walk in the rain on a warm summer day. To smell the freshness in the air and the rain on my skin is sort of a cleansing rejuvenating feeling. A simple walk in the rain is a nice way of stating the feeling. So much enjoyment out of something that is frequently considered a nuisance is great isnt it. This is a lovely happy poem. Very nice job! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Eventhough its only 8 short lines you can really stir up some feeling into them which makes you a good writer. The way you portray the girl in her soaking clothes shedding her "elegance" away. As if she's saying the hell with that and spontaneous spirit. To walk under the rain.. is but one of my wonderful moments in my short life time. :)
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by She Is Insane | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, that was somehow really really interesting! I really am not sure whether I have read any of your poems before or not! I think I didn't! But I think after reading this one I'll try to read more of your poems at least to judge better.

    And now about the poem itself; I think that this is a happy beautiful poem indeed, of course the subject of the poem isn't new (To me) as I have read many poem before talking about such issue or may be in such a way! The way it was presented was good and somehow innovative too (in my point of view), the poem is well written with nearly no spelling mistakes and that is a very important thing because I believe that spelling mistakes take alot from the beauty of any poem.

    I didn't read any of your other poems, and so I don't know what else do you write! I mean you said that this one was different, well I can't really talk about that because I don't know! But when I read more of your poems I'll be able to talk about it being different!

    And I must talk about the title ( A Simple Walk in the Rain ), which was very very well chosen and captures the attention of the readers (it captured mine)! Actually I chose to read this poem because of it's title! as the title totally captured my attention and so I had to read it and I'm glad that I did! And also the description which I believe to be a very important tool for the writer to use to capture the attention of the readers and to give a prior presentation to the poem and I think you somhehow succeeded in doing that as you used it in a simple and a very very SINCERE way!

    I think that the emotion was flowing all over the poem and the sincerity too! And that is a very important thing, as I believe that the key to the succes of any poem is how sincere is it and how was it presented to the reader and did it touch him in a way or another! Because that is what poetry is all about! It is all about translating our emotions in to words.

    I liked the part that says

    "I sit here
    In my dry night-clothes
    And my rain-soaked hair
    My dangling amethyst earrings,
    Forgotten
    A remnant of my previous elegance
    Immediately shed
    Just for a simple walk in the rain."

    Which is the whole poem of course!

    And here I must say that it was a very very very very very very very very very very very short poem indeed! And that doesn't help in giving a fair comment!

    I think you succeeded in transfering your emotion through the poem to the reader and let them feel what you feel and that is a very good thing.

    I really loved this poem because I really love the rain and I really love a simple walk in the rain!

    Anyway I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and I'll end up my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah baby! this is awesome!
    walking in the rain is a very over used idea in poetry and can be quite tacky but this... this is very tastefully done. i really like it!
    i like the pictures it paints... the PJ's the wet hair and the ear rings all so contrasting... none of them really offically go together... the PJs speaking of safe conservative niceness... the earrings of elegance and social presentation and the wet hair from the rain totally wild side and i really like how you used those three things to merge three very different aspects of your being together into one... very tastefully done.
    i cannot help but dance in the rain when it is raining... i am a shocker and yet there is something about the rain that is cathartic and irresistable... im glad that you had the opportunity to write this... that you are feeling happy and alive.
    this is the first write of yours ive ever read but i shall go and check out more of yours... have a great night... keep smiling!
    | Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't get to walk in the rain that often because I live in Arizona but I have and I totally understand were you are coming from with this peice. It is amazing how something as simple and natural as rain can just soak away all your worrys. When I'm in the rain I'm subconsciously thinking "O' no, I may never get dry again." but I just don't care because the rain just feels so damn good and you can't help but get lost within its rhymic massage. I really like this peice. It is short and "simple", straight to the point, no [censoring] around, just straight to the point, just like rain.

    Thanks so much for the read, PEACE.
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, this was good. Very good. Excellent even. I love a good walk in the rain, especially if it's not too cold. Everyone always says, awww, don't go out in the rain, you'll get sick . . . to hell with that!

    I hate to sound all gushy, but this little poem grabbed me and I'm so happy I stumbled across it . . . think I'll take this one home with me.
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh I love this so much! Yes, its a very happy poem, but I think that the rain symbolizes purity. I understand how you feel. Back home, whenever storm clouds were rolling in, I would always stand out and watch the lightening and let the rain fall. Then my mother yelled at me to come inside before I got fried. ^_^ I love thunderstorms. You should add more to it. I think it would be perfect then.
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by WindEmpress | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very pure and sensitive poem. It deals directly with what you felt and it only took you a few words.

    I usually have problems with poems that are too short as i think that there is always more to something than just what it is. I always believed that if you know your vocabulary, it is of no sin to use it and express it out until there is nothing more to say about the emotions you pour into paper or to others.

    But if you said it all and it only took you those words, i'd say you did good anyhow. At least you made your emotions clear and it doesn't seem as though you made any kind of mistakes.

    So to my point of view, i think this is a nice short-pieced poem. Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Short but BEAUTIFUL. I remember one late night my friend Emily and I were at Walmart around 3:00am and it was raining hard, but without wind so it was perfect. She and I spent nearly 45 minutes dancing in the rain, when we went home we changed into dry clothes but our hair was the simple reminder of time spent well in the rain...I love this because it makes me smile. GREAT job!
    | Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by SammySueYou | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really a neat piece of work.

    With a short work like this I think it's really impoortant to keep things simple and create one simple image. You've done that perfectly, I can really see you sitting there, probably on the foot of a bed, wet hair, PJ's. You probably found the earrings when you were drying your hair with a towel.

    Really good, concise image.

    Have you read my "Washed Clean"?

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      You probably was looking real good right there hair wet and everything lol i loved it ...a short simple piece ain't nothing better than that it actually describes everything using that little amount of words. it was like right then and there you didnt care what was going on you were just in your own world enjoy your walk not caring about anything else. its real i can see someone doing that like everynight when they want to go out and just think about whats going on in their life ..i enjoy lines that make a poem stand out also the "A remnant of my previous elegance" great line the choice of words used i cant explain it they just fit like they belong there as i said before your a skileld writer and i love most of your poems
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by wallya20 | [ Reply to This ]
      How funny to stumble across this after posting the journal entry I did on my page.

    Standing in the rain...*closes eyes and imagines*...that has to by far be the best way of cleansing your mind and emptying your worries. Each drop just takes you to a place that feels so far from any problems...any drama. You become pure. The rain is magical. If only more people would come out in the rain...

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    57749

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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