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    dots Submission Name: Wisps and Ashesdots

    Author: Jengrr
    ASL Info:    20/McBain
    Elite Ratio:    5.85 - 95/104/22
    Words: 36
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 190

       A serious let-down from several best friends led up to this poem...I just had to let it all out, and, though I'm not actually this severely depressed, magnifying it helped me a lot.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWisps and Ashesdots

    Iím nothing but a rage of pain and sorrow
    No joy in today, no hope for tomorrow
    I go up in fire, heart consumed by the flames
    Wisps and ashes now hallow my name

    Submitted on 2005-05-06 20:50:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    i do not know how to make it as potent as this! this was extremely poetry, economy of words yet magnanimous in emotion.

    and the words cut across like barbed wire.

    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a strong poem! Very short in length but very rich in depth on an emotional level. This is really good! I hear every word you speak here too! Sometimes people we think are our good friends turn out to be anything but that! I have learned that in my life and it seems to always be learned at the times that are hardest when you need them the most and find out that they are not there for you! I bet it helped make you feel better when you wrote this. I find that expressing my feelings onto paper, into a poem somehow 'releases' a lot for me. Anyway, nice poem! Take care!

    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes it seems that friends do have thorns and will let you down and sometimes without really meaning to do so I think. But, the ones that let you down,prick you with their thorns and stab you in the back are the ones we can't continue to call friends 'cause a true friend would never do that to you.
    This was a good write and sometimes it helps to just get it out, doesn't it?
    | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Short and sweet. I would have enjoyed it even more if you would have made it longer, But it was still great. Keep writing and I'll keep reading...SAM
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by Samuel Bielz | [ Reply to This ]
      This isn't bad, but it seems a bit ordinary to me. The language isn't really unique. The images could be fresher. I also think that if you're going to use rhyme, I think it should be subtle. Perhaps you could experiment with different types of rhyme and different rhyme schemes.
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow is is a great poem. Like Cute it is short but very powerful. You are a good writer. I can't wait to see more from you
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by sweet_innocence | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. short and yet sooo powerful. i liked the rage and although its not really u now, only a maximum of what you could be, i still really liked it. and you being able to portray it like that just proves u as a good writer. keep up the good work.

    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]

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