HELP ME forget about what I need. Let me UNWANT.
I need something more, and I can't HELP THE FACT that I want something serious; if I could I WOULN'T CHANGE...
I don't mean something more than her. I mean something greater than this, than life. I don't know if I can ever HAVE what I WANT. I don't know if LOVE is what I want, but I think I want more than that.
Like I said before, it's all a repeat. I am going in circles and I want out. I've put crying out of style and it's not like I can do it anymore, I don't know why, but anytime I try, it's gone. DRY.
I sleep less, and generally only eat dinner now. My feet are almost as cold as my hands, and I feel less attatched to everything, that makes me feel a bit better. People and I aren't on great terms anymore either. It's not that they don't like me, it's that I can't agree of most of them. Where did morals go? What about emotion, maturity?
I am no different. My emotions are probobly cliché. I'm not heaven sent (as far as I'm aware) and I can be rather immature. I am a hypocrite.
I don't say things like I did... I see things a little differently, but I don't talk as much. Nothing real, except maybe to Skippy, I asked him to kill me to pieces today. I don't share myself, and no matter how much I feel it coming, the tears won't come out. No matter how sad I get, I can't cry. This has happened before, I just need to wait for something worse.
Summer is coming up and I am looking forward to rebuilding my relationship with her, but I am rather fearful. I don't know if we want the same things or not. I think it's leaning towards not... I honestly believe that I want too much, and that I am not supposed to have what I want yet... Maybe in the future, but I don't think I am supposed to have it. I want it though; more than anything.
Romeo and Juliet were younger than I am.
She still has beautiful eyes... I still don't like most of her friends, and her skirt. I hate what she makes me feel now, I want what I can't have.
These are the times I wish I was careless enough to cut. These are the times I wish I could die. I would never do anything to myself, it sucks.
It's been about a year since I stopped carving, and in a few months, it will be a year since the last time I told a girlfriend I loved them. I am glad.
I would rather be dead than unfaithful. I would rather be stabbed than lied to. I would rather be sure than safe.
If you ever told someone you loved them and knew you didn't, CRY tonight. |
Submission Name: Please, CRY tonight, for me.
anyways... I like it.. a lot. I touched me... and not many things have been able to do that lately. Thanks for writing this. I think it kinda helped.