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Throwing the card back and forth;
The queen of hearts between the kings.
And that flashing light,
It tells me there’s one more move to go
One more chance to set things right
So I’m throwing the card back and forth
And I’m scanning the scene
But all I can see are these two sad faced kings
Back and forth, back and forth
One more chance not to fuck things up
Back and forth, back and forth
The light’s still flashing
But I can’t find my way out
Back and forth, back and forth…
| This is an excellent piece. The illustration of life as a game of cards, unpredictable, unbiased, is brilliant. This is a stunning illustration of the tumultuous nature of life and it's unexpected sorrows. nice write||| Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ] || bloody brilliant! okay im done with my british for the day. |
[And that flashing light,
It tells me there’s one more move to go]]
damn i hate that light! great double-meaning.
wow you always have the most awesome metaphoric poems. i love you!
|| Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ] || wow, who knew free cell was about love?!?!?! this is awesome :) at first i was like "cool, a poem about cards", but your subtle twist is most impressive :) btw...careful with that baseball bat ;)||| Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ] || Oh my gosh. This poem is... words can't say it. (Like someone before me said) It seems like your stuck in betwwn two. Torn into two different directions that it may even drive you insane. |
"I had to follow that road, even if my steps were confused and indecisive. Otherwise I would not remain a man in my own eyes. For if I know something with certainty and I am convinced of its truth, how can I deny it, hide it from my closest friends; from the world and from myself?"
Keep up the excellent poems!
|| Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by Destined | [ Reply to This ] || ok. well, i'm just gonna throw out what i got from this, and if i'm completely wrong, hey, i tried. ok, well, it sounded to me like you were trying to decide between two things, two people maybe. everytime you thought you had picked the right one, something made you think twice and you changed your mind. over and over again. that little light kept going off in your head telling you that the decision you made was wrong, but even when you make a different decision, it's still wrong. that's what i got from it. just my interpretation. i would like to know what it was really about though. ...bb...|
|| Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ] || Nice sing song meter, but repetition bores the ears off of me. It works well for lyrics, sounds dreadful in poetry. |
Subject matter is superb though, as is the metephor. One way to make your "repetition" stick is to find different ways to say it- extend the metaphor, so to speak.
A second stanza that solved your dilemma would also play along quite nicely, but, if the indecisiveness is all you want to portray, sounds good. Leaving it hanging was a wonderful touch, by the way.
|| Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by EmeraldJealousy | [ Reply to This ] |