You might run this piece thru word as there was alot of common spelling mistakes. While the writing was mediocre the feeling and emotionally charged feel to the piece makes up for it and sheds us some insight on what you might be feeling and thinking while locked up in your bedroom at the wee hours of the Eve. I love to glimpse into other peoples worlds. You are a romantic & sensitive soul, and you'll find what you need in time.
Great job ace. This is really good. I really like how you worded it. I'm glad you didn't use just one rhyming pattern. I hate it when people insult me by saying the rhyming was off. Well, great job, really good.
nicely done ace. with the goods "Subliminal life Flashing through my death Subliminal cries Flashing through your breath"
these are my favorite because i can imagine someone standing in the rain and after lightening strikes they scream and cry yet no one can see because the thunder echoes them out. very nicely written. take care
The bottle of pills The fifth of Rum The painless death The rusty gun
These lines reminded me exactly of my cousin's attempted suicide. The only thing that saved him was hearing "Hold On" by Good Charlotte that had come out THAT day and it came on the radio when he was laying on the floor after taking all this medicine. . . .
wow... ok, this was really good. sad but good. i was absolutely entranced throughout the whole thing. my only suggestion is that you change "vein" to "vain" (two different meanings) and "Sublimainal life" to "Subliminal". other than that, this was really good. there are just sometimes when you feel like no one cares, and you never find out how much they did until after you're gone... anyway, good write. ...bb...
Im goin with sarah on this one. You don't suck, you never will. You acutlly bring smiles to peoples faces, did you know that? Well you do now! And sarah did not try and get me to call, she said if i wanna or if i have time that i should call and tell u that we wont be calling bla bla bla, well all is well and done. Maybe we will call you some time this week. You never know! tehe, good peom. Remeber::: YOUR LOVED! tehe
I love you don't forget that and when I'm not there you know damn well it's not my fault. I tried to get her to call and I thought she was gonna. I'm sorry even though you dont wanna hear that. good poem, and yo udont suck no matter what you say. muah smile babe please, nothing is wrong i just had to go.
Submission Name: Subliminal Death
