Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: whydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 609
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 954



    Description:
       just writing. so many kids think suicide is the way out. i once was like that. please comment.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why does this teenage boy grab this knife
    and let it go into his wrist.
    He clinches his fist letting all the blood rush down to his wrist.
    He lets the cold steel blade rip open his skin.
    He lets blood run into the drain.

    Why does this teenage boy grab this knife
    and let it go into his wrist.
    He only knows why.
    His parents asked him whats wrong
    But all he did was put on his music on and listen to his songs.
    Music was the only thing he had.
    Now his parents feeling bad knowing there was something wrong with him and they didn't try harder.

    Why does this teenage boy grab this knife
    and let it go into his wrist.
    He only knows
    now no one will find out what was wrong.
    His parents look over the casket into there sons eyes finding him still having the same look of despair and like he doesn't care any more.




    Submitted on 2005-05-08 12:00:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this was really powerful and hard for me to read because i used to cut when my parents asked whats wrong i wouold ignor them and listen to music.so this was weird ot read but this was really good.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by endmypain | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought this was really good and i can relate to it. i only have a few suggestions though
    "But all he did was put on his music on and listen to his songs"
    in this i waould change it to
    "But all he did was put his music on
    and listen to songs"
    "Now his parents feeling bad knowing there was something wrong with him and they didn't try harder."
    in this line id take out the him it just kinda throws the flow off a bit.
    those are just suggestions. i like it the way it is too. your a great writer keep it up. hope to hear from you
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      that little rascal dam that must have hurt great description and also quite a good narrative
    it's like you were speaking out loud
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      it was moving and was like a little story. I liked it. I was confused when you said "he but all he did..." but other than that it made sense and was very well written.
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by salamander | [ Reply to This ]
      I t was good i liked it a lot, no speeling problems this time(good work!) but the lines "despair and like he don't care any more." you could change the don't to doesn't, either way it would sound good(i hope you didn't get in toruble for being on the computer to long)
    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. i thought this was really good. Like ussually I dont like poem that repeat themselves... but I reallly liked this one. I often wonder the same thing. i asked one of my friends that cut "why", and she didnt really have an answer. Some people say it makes them feel real but thats a load of bs b/c if you wanted to make sure oyu were real you could just look in the mirror or something, or they could just let it go (who wants to be real anywayz-if I ever get the chance to feel fake...please dont wake me up.lol)... ya know what I mean...hmmm probably not but oh well. The point is I really liked your peice. Good Job!

    Drea
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    57927

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Records I written by Raphael
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The World written by jjd
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Cover written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry