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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shatteredroses
    ASL Info:    24/Female/United Kingdom
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 42/32/10
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1321
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 913



    Description:
       A poem I wrote in the bath.
    Ok, so it's in first person, which seems to be some kind of mortal sin here, but it should work despite that. Hopefully anyway.
    Try reading it out loud and let me know what you make of it.

    All work is © me, GM Rouse. Please respect my copyright.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In my dreams itís always raining,
    It doesnít matter where I go
    It just always feels the same,
    And somehow I always know
    That in the blackened city streets,
    The gutters overflow
    With torn up lives, and crumpled souls,
    Beneath the heartless glow
    Of simple, silvered streetlight
    Shining star-like on the rain,
    Where the people wished for daylight
    When the daylight never came.
    The marble crumbles listlessly,
    The dead can never change,
    But their names cling on so desperately
    To stone, where candle-flames
    Flicker always in the windows
    Of the churches, where they lie
    Casting spider-spired shadows
    High against the blackened sky.
    In the space behind my eyelids,
    Is a city that wonít change,
    And the people patch its broken heart
    As I wait for it to rain.




    Submitted on 2005-05-08 16:13:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      there isnt much i can say that hasnt already been said, but i thought i'd mention that this is tres beautiful and its going in my favouites.
    it seems we have something in common; i write in the bath as well. but my bath-poetry usually turns out to be about bubbles and duckies and such.
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by jinx | [ Reply to This ]
      WOw this was awsome thats all i can say is awsome its cool how you used first person. I liked this poem a lot b/c it was deep and had a little darkness to it. YOU WROTE IT IN THE BATH? damn i gotta try that. ha but seriously good write hope to hear more soon
    Star
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by Star | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...this was beautiful! Very gothic. First person doesn't ruin a poem...only if it's wrongly used, which wasn't in this case.

    Flicker always in the windows
    Of the churches, where they lie
    Casting spider-spired shadows
    High against the blackened sky.

    This was just so deep...it was somehow desecrating the church...I imagined bodies littering the floor of the altar...the dead sitting in pews, bleeding onto Bibles...hey, that doesn't sound too bad for a poem Anyway, dreams have such a power in them, something that drives us to curiosity over what is mapped in these nocturnal imaginings...you've used dreams in a very profound way in this poem, and just gave it a beautful touch. I would try to go into metaphors and such, but it's almost 10 p.m. and I have school tomorrow. Great piece!
    -Azrael
    *Fave
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by Tears of Azrael | [ Reply to This ]
      its dark and powerful. i liked it when you said "The marble crumbles listlessly,
    The dead can never change,
    But their names cling on so desperately
    To stone, where candle-flames" good job.
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by salamander | [ Reply to This ]
      Another nice work. I don't know what I get from this, it seems as though a view from your head. I do know the words used was very good. The rhythm in some places got lost a little but, I read it a couple more times and it seemed to smooth itself out. You do good work.
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]


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