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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Packing Memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ThatWasOnceMe
    ASL Info:    30/F/NC
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 197/194/53
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 273
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1310



    Description:
       okay I rewote this. I had a comment from someone (not on here) to rewite it as a terza rima (I think that was what it was called) So I did. Notice the ryhming scheme it is aba bcb cdc ect... I thought I would at least try it out. So if anyone knows what I am talking of here tell me what you think. (This poem was titled Packing Memories Away) Okay here it is........


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPacking Memoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Packing memories that dangle mute on the wall
    Laying them thoughtfully in a wooden crate
    Walking away from it, hearing a whispering call

    Laid on top a ballad wrote one remorse to late
    In that wooden crate is a lonely photo of you
    Your whispers hum the lyrics of are twisted fate

    Sorting through the photos kept beyond my view
    Finding one of us recalling that sentimental day
    My thoughts heard those lyrics you never knew

    Singing them is your photo packed gently away
    It sings "Take your time to love me, hurry none."
    Still its my torn heart that won't allow me to stay

    So the memories are packed away one by one
    Each with glances back to before love was fated
    Boxes lined up by the door, all recalling is done.

    In the bedroom where our memories were created
    Gazing at that last crate, thinking back on it all
    One last verse escapes "My love would've waited"

    All the memories are now gone from the wall
    Arranged thoughtfully each in a regretful state
    Walking away from here, hearing a whispering call

    Leaving behind the whispers from the wooden crate




    Submitted on 2005-05-09 01:17:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Excellent rewrite. Terza Rima is the correct term. It was used by Dante Alighieri in his "Divine Comedy" and it is tough to pull off. The only thing I noticed is that in your second paragrah the phrase "are twisted fate" should be "our twisted fate". I liked this the first read, but the change of form makes it stand out in a crowd. I hoped you enjoyed reworking it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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