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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Double Agentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lelik
    ASL Info:    40/M/Jhb - South Africa
    Elite Ratio:    5.31 - 1194/986/192
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1666
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 756



    Description:
       Life has been turned on it's head. Either I'm as confused as hell or tgis is the first thing I've written that makes sense. You decide...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDouble Agentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    (Always wanted blond, James…) and I stare
    (the spaces in between the then and now
    are vacated places so, only you and I go there)
    in those ice blue, “licensed to kill” eyes that know
    (ages come and gone and ways bent beyond
    recognition) it dawns on me once again
    that you had passed me by without a sound
    (leaning in to embrace) I long for when
    you might be close (the howling of a hound)
    disturbing as the thought might be (I need)
    of blood red kisses left (that agent aged)
    in tender nights the fires of passion feed
    (memories not shared in virtual plays unstaged)
    would you still find, or seek a broken reed?
    I wait (to end the cold war we had not waged).




    Submitted on 2005-05-09 01:21:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hmm...a poem (within a poem) with different meanings (yet leading to one conclusion) that makes it challenging (difficult) to read but yet most enjoyable (rewarding)...the rhymes weaved through the chaotic style must have been a real bit ch to pull off, but you did pull it off (seemingly effortlessly).

    Truly original and one I will return to...such layers demand rereads (and I've read it as many times as I have time for right now)

    I kept coming back to your page again and again hoping for something new and now I have two so I'm like a pig in [censored]e. See you on the next one...
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      ...the diary of a double agent written in visible ink...
    that would be enough (ordinarily) to have you drummed out oaf's pie's cool.
    well ellisa has it i think: that this is manageable in small chunks, in which we see large chinks.
    it's like watching the berlin wall come down, or the boy with his finger in the dyke; at the same time and seperately.
    out of all of this smoke and mirrors emerges the constant: that eventually, all agents have to come in from the cold.
    take it easy mate,
    K
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      essentially this...doesnt make sense, but then it does...there is enough grasped to make sense of whats happening, and i rather enjoyed not being able to completely understand it, it leaves intrigue hanging,,,the reader wants to keep re-reading to find out, although im not sure that it would ever offer up it's fruits openly. I like to use the idea of seperating yet including side comments and extra words, i think you have to keep the reader on their toes if youre going to stand out. interesting, i give you that (and a gold star for originality)

    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      Well… this does seem a bit disoriented compared to the last time I passed you by. You ok? I’d like to offer my hands but they’re currently holding my head in place so… I’d better not.

    What I got from this was the struggle of a person who feels the magnetism of another but is too intimidated to do something about it. Somewhere along the line he (assuming…) begins to assess his actions (or immobility) and finds that time is not willing to wait for him to make his move. The chances of him generating a relationship with this person grow slim. He then decides to allow this person to decide for them, regardless of whether or not she (assuming…) knows anything or is even aware that he exists.

    “would you still find, or seek a broken reed? “

    By reed… do you mean the grass, the piece of metal found in instruments or a feeble person. I’d love it if it were a stretch between the metal and the person. They give a sense of duplicity at some extent but I don’t think the meaning changes that much. The grass is ok too but I feel as though it unbalances the piece by being too metaphoric in a mainly narrative piece.

    I forgot who said it… but I remember the saying quite well… “Love is the only game wherein the only way you can lose is if you don’t play.” Something like that.

    The piece is fine… just not something I’d expect from you.
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      What an interesting poem. I'm glad to have read it. I like how you used brackets, it seemed to me like there were many whispering voices in this poem...

    Ambiguous references to a relationship that might be, as already in the narrator's head is what I got from it...

    (the spaces in between the then and now
    are vacated places so, only you and I go there)
    This is my favourite line, so ethereal and almost child like, I love this.

    (memories not shared in virtual plays unstaged..this is also a brilliant line.

    The title is very effectively tied in with the poem me thinks. You get the sense of a 'doppelganger' in this, a double self.

    'Seek a broken reed' Like how this flows aurally, nice use of rhyme.

    'I wait (to end the cold war we had not waged.)

    Hmm..you have made sense in not making sense. :P I really like how you have written this poem. I am adding it to my favourites. Looking forward to reading more. Cheers.
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Huh.

    Hard to read, worth taking the time to frown and squint and think.

    I can't say anything that hasn't already been said before.

    As for James Bond... well, wow. As a kid I only knew him from THE BEST GAME EVER, Golden Eye 007... I think we played it on like... the dreamcube or something like that.
    When I got older, I just kind of got into watching the movies. I had WAY too much time on my hands so I can truthfully say that I've seen... every James Bond movie ever made.
    He's kool ish.

    But the poem isn't really about James Bond, now is it?

    I can't tell you how much I like it

    ~Akhi
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]
      i find this interesting and quirky and for the most part i am ok with that.
    i feel no need to give you a critical appraisal. it seems that you know what you want to say and how you want to say it. i like the concept of the brackets. yes it makes the piece a little 'harder,' to read, but then it makes us re read it and what is wrong with that?
    i think people want the easy way out for the most part.
    i think the brackets add a second voice to the piece; a voice within a voice; the voice inside your mind almost.
    and i think what you are saying is pretty simple here. a newspaper cutting taken from a larger article. and that is just fine.

    i expected to read the piece as tow. firstly with the brackets, and then without. but without there are many gaps. and the tow are needed together.
    and that is just an observation.

    apologies that i had nothing particularly helpful or pertinent to say.
    take care

    on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good write. I like the way the two voices interact. Nothing I would change (I think that wuold hurt rather than help). Terrific piece.

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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