This is an isolated thought. Complex, but short. It needs to be extended to a full poem. I think you used depth and complexity (and now I'm rambling to keep my feedback rating from plummiting) to trigger thought. I think you might need to use emotion to enhance it however. Decent, not the best I've read.
good but needs more poem.amazin starter.If you should decide to turn this into a full poem.I think it would have amazing emotion and visuals.im not sure of stanza's and puntutation cause i cant reallly tell at this momment.the wording you choose was simple and beautiful.And simple described your thoughts which was interesting!