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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your Whoredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 793
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1005



    Description:
       This is to you Joe...please don't be offended, I know all the shit is vountary and I was willing and shit but like I said at some point the girl has to wake up and realize that she is tired of the superficial happiness and she is tired of being alone...Maybe I just need to be loved and not fucked.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Whoredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Maybe you are just to buisy for me
    Maybe gas is to high
    Maybe you just don't wanna be with me
    Maybe I should ask myself why

    I'm not what I used to
    I'm not happy anymore
    all these days of getting played
    all this shit that makes me a whore

    you call to talk but you would rather hear me moan
    you would rather have me playing with myself

    this is all so superficial
    this is all so fucking tired
    I just wanna be me like I use to
    I just wanna be happy like I was before you

    When I first met you
    you were already trying to love me
    but I guess I didn't really need that
    nice memories but now I know what I have lost
    we had fun but I hate knowing what is gone

    Maybe you just don't wanna be with me
    Maybe you just don't want me anymore
    Maybe the only thing that I am
    Is just another whore




    Submitted on 2005-05-09 12:01:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey, reading this made me feel a [censored] for being a male, on behalf of males, i'm sorry. you have nothing to regret about this!and i apologise again for some arseholes in this world
    Keep up the great writing
    x
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      i know the feeling all too well
    and its a pretty [censored] feeling
    and it sucks that it happens to the best of us
    but are we really the whores here?
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an intense poem. You have taken a feeling that probably alot of girls have a put it into words. Your poem is raw and very open. It is like a rage you had on him and you had to let it out somehow. Good work hope to see more from you
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by sweet_innocence | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one. It's completely and utterly naked and real.

    I have to disagree with wilderness
    "it's got no rhythm or pace to it. no life, no colour or style."
    No life? No color?

    "all these days of getting played
    all this [censored] that makes me a whore"

    "you call to talk but you would rather hear me moan"

    "nice memories but now I know what I have lost
    we had fun but I hate knowing what is gone"

    That seems colorful enough to me.

    I would fix the spelling and grammatical errors and leave everything else just as it is.
    buisy
    gas is TOO high
    I'm not what I'M used to (or used to be)
    I just wanna be me like I USED to

    Good write!
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is powerful.i bet alot iof girls feel like this but just cant describe it.Of course this poem was full emotion.But what i loved about it is it is real.I loved the words you chose to use.simple and blunt .. two thinks i love in poems.way to go girlie..now just go beat up that looser!:):)
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by Rainin_Raspbery | [ Reply to This ]
      there's something here, in these two lines:

    you call to talk but you would rather hear me moan
    you would rather have me playing with myself

    the naked truth of it is gripping.

    in general, as a piece of prose/poetry w/e, i find this lacking. it's got no rhythm or pace to it. no life, no colour or style. while i cannot fault your honest and raw approach, it's too matter of fact for my liking.

    also, there are a few typos you need to sift out.

    as a piece of catharsis, well done for letting it out and i hope you feel better for it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by wilderness | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi I really liked this! Your tone is really bitter and somewhat fed up which I liked. I loved the line:

    "you were already trying to love me"

    That was so powerful! Good work!
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by vinny2256 | [ Reply to This ]
      This, altho a little weird cuz my name is joe and i dated a lori, is really good, i enjoyed reading it. I was a little scared until i found out you were in Alabama and not Idaho. It flows really well. Just to let you know, you didn't lose much of anything if all he did was [censored] and dump you. I'll be looking forward to hearing from you.
    | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by frozenflame | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my favorite piece by you Jaz! It makes me feel like [censored] for being a guy...lol...even though I'm not like that. Maybe just fix the spelling errors and it's perfect. Or maybe you meant to make those mistakes. Hmm...write back soon. I miss you.
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]


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