Stark
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this is rough I feel- but that is how I feel...rough. Have at it.
Stark
What was it that you said? ...that I don't reach for you anymore. I feel the weight of that statement and I search myself for the moment that it became true. It was the moment I let my past rush in, summoned him, I fear. and though I tried to steady myself to you, I was caught up in a stronger current. You didn't deserve my silence, my indifference, my absence from this life we are trying for-- you still don't. The pieces didn't always fit and there were times when the edges were cut or filed away and they just lay there, awkward where they fell and the picture, faded on the box offering no help at all... I am as cruel a woman as Mother Nature, full of wicked storms and scorching fires that rip apart unsuspecting men. And still I retreat-- searching for sanctuary in a place he and I used to love when we were young and beds had not been made to lie in (forever). The heart wants what it wants (they say). I would cut mine out if it meant we could go back to the way it once was. |
Submitted on 2005-05-09 17:02:44 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Well, we all have bad bad times, and we all say and do things that we regret. This is so close to the bone that I'd feel horrible criticizing it, so I won't. The heart wants what it wants (they say). I would cut mine out if it meant we could go back to the way it once was. That's so powerfully and brutally honest. There's something remarkable in honesty like that. Hugs, Amy | Posted on 2005-05-28 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ] | This is a great poem. I may be just a kid, but in a way...I can understand. I like the detail and the rhyme scheme. It shows a dark side from the rest of your writings. I definitely have to say that this one is good and is one of my favorites. Really good...you must be a really great mother...cool peom. | | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Lauren Guzman | [ Reply to This ] | Oh, dear. This is not how I imagined you after reading your other work and your comments to my work. But I understand, too well. In one way, I think at the close there, it could all be summed up quite well if you had just told him, | "it seems I've stayed on past the exit" Going back is so much more difficult than it sounds, isn't it? | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ] | i would cut mine out... | no you wouldn't and the lines and verses previous to that statement bear this out. you wouldn't. you'd leave it in because there's no pity in this poem. and cutting hearts out is all about pity for oneself or for another. I like the tension here despite it being too, too much of a diary entry for my taste. but then, there may be a time when you feel better able to do it all in the 3rd person. this is as good a trouble shared pom as any. the 4th verse is the key for me and the easiest in a way to suggest the changes that I would make: The pieces didn't always fit and there were times when the edges were cut or filed away and they just lay there, awkward where they fell and the picture, faded on the box offering no help at all... whatever. Later, K | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ] | This even feels like the confusion you must be living. Looking back on when things felt different, working with the pieces | between that don't fit. I love those two ideas, one of profound characteristics of your writing is the aim to be honest. I shows so well in your work and doing this actually aids in finding our true feelings. That's so important, and yet we are romanced by the beauty of love so enticingly, that we fail to see the truth. Oh, Rene', I 'm not meaning to sound like an advice column, "to thine own self be true." Hope things work out best for all concerned, you've done a wonderful job with this part. Much love, Nan | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ] | wow... i can guess from whence this came, my friend. the roughness of this is what makes it work so well. i love how you compare yourself to Mother Nature, storms that rage and then retreat. great metaphor. i know you are hurting, this speaks of an almost irreversible wound. the past can make for uncomfortable bedfellows. i have been there myself. i only hope that you can work things out in the best possible way for all involved. please feel free to PM me if you want to chat. i keep you in my thoughts, always. | | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ] | Rough it may be - but thats where the power of this piece lies. Its an honest piece, that speaks unpretentiously about pretending, and trying to 'cut and file away edges' in order to make them fit. | "But they just lie there/ akward in the spaces" - such a hollow image, very vivid... 'the pieces dont always fit' - and out attempts to make them only cause more cracks to apprear...this piece made me think...and remember... This really struck a chord, René - and I will leave it at that... All the best, Katia | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ] | Isn't it weird how we can get trapped in a certain moment and even though we might now have everything we had then, it just can't compare to the romanticized version in our memory. The difference maybe being as simple as the fact that it was new then, and we just can't make the heart jump out of our chests like it did then...we want it to...we know it should...but it just doesn't. And we can't force it...and on some level we can't accept anything less...so sad | but brilliant in your execution...I feel this more than you can imagine and more than I want to or care to share ... my waning heart goes out to the innocent victims we hurt by unjustly comparing to something that can never be matched | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ] | Mags that was nice the more I read of your stiuff the more I realize what a talent that you have foor poetry. I mean thiis is what yo0u would find in the dictionary as poetry at least I think, if there is even a definition. Anyway I really liked this part ; | The pieces don't always fit- there are times we cut and file away edges but they just lie there awkward in the spaces between us. [awkward in the space between us] that's an interesting way of putting that-I don't thijnk I have ever heard of it said like that before] nice mags lamemansterms | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ] | Wow! What a read. This is really rough and edgey which is great about it. I really loved the last stanza, | "The heart wants what it wants (they say). I would cut mine out if it meant we could go back to the way it once was." That's what real love is. And I like how you didn't use the word "love" in here. It's sort of the prescence in the room that no one talks about. :) Really great. I loved it. It's been a while since I've felt like this about someone. *Felt so hurt and wanting to go back the way it was that is* I would love to feel love again though. :) Great job! The title really fits for this as well. -blt | Posted on 2005-05-09 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ] | |
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