Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gradual Thinkingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 792
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1130



    Description:
       THis is really just another collaboration of thoughts and feelings...I'm not really asking for you to comment on the poem but maybe talk to me...I need something real man.I need to put something out there that represents me in some way...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGradual Thinkingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wonder where these words will come from
    Gradually I write I guess something will come of this
    At least it is real
    At least you now know

    That I am writing you a letter
    Trying desperately to explain
    What I feel inside
    And what I need

    I need you
    or some version of what I want
    I want someone who appreciates my beauty
    even though it isn't there
    I want someone that can see art
    and maybe play guitar
    maybe look so pretty just singin his songs

    I want someone to call me Jaz
    but I don't want you to try to hard
    because that hurts me
    because I need you to love me like I love this poetry

    I need to be a pet
    I guess I just need to express
    that I want to act my age
    and maybe have someone to share that with

    so I guess this is goodbye
    I have shared my words
    I guess you think you know me
    judgements are already forming in your head
    but that's real and I think I can dig it
    good or bad




    Submitted on 2005-05-10 11:46:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I kind of liked this because skimming through your older stuff it looks ordered and feels composed (like the msg of the poem is about the arrival at a point and the deliberateness, rather than anything that is said) compared to those earlier efforts.

    Some of your earlier poems do not have any hooks in them but this does, its set out to achieve, and does, getting my attention.
    | Posted on 2015-08-27 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww Jazzzy...its really really sad...stop gradully thinking damn it!..lol, j/p...it is dark and pitiful in a wayand i do like i alot so yeah,...i wil call you after skool 'morrow k?...well nvrmind cuz i forgots u moved well [censored] call me sometimes byr jazz
    | Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by medicated | [ Reply to This ]
      fair enough, you just lay it out on the line as it is, takes a certain kind of character to do that, especially when you refrain from sugar coating it(that's relieving). As far as sonething real that expresses you, it'll come eventually, and you'll know it, just give it time and try to refrain from force, at least that's what i'd suggest, take it ez
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow Jaz
    I can't believe what this poem has made me feel - thanks for darkening down my day one sec i was happy and then after reading this i felt so dark. Wicked!
    And believe me my judgements of you are all good
    x
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    58201

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry