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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: [louder and with more feeling]dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ellisa
    Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 400/415/125
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 999
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 886



    Description:
       I've confused myself


    writing - about writing


    ?

    <look in the>


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots[louder and with more feeling]dots
    -------------------------------------------



    The dissatisfaction
    Rolls on the tongue
    Like the lingering word
    Reciprocity.

    My imagery,
    <I> heard him say,
    My imagery of you is me.

    When mirrors start laughing
    You know youíve cracked,
    Repeating yourself
    After seven years bad luck.
    My childhood of <write>rs block,

    Knock <three times> if itís you

    Such naÔve little birds
    Are the ones that hit windows,
    So now Iím looking out-

    But here

    Stop to look back,
    Read <a>loud seems softer
    Than the words that happen
    When you donít speak.
    So speak to me,
    Read me aloud and Iíll speak to youÖ
    Not here, not now though,
    But some<day>
    I promise
    Iíll talk to you.





    Submitted on 2005-05-10 13:02:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very tricky. I like how you added that little message in the poem.
    "Such naÔve little birds
    Are the ones that hit windows,"
    That is my favorite part. I am not sure why all I know is that I love it. I love all of your work as I believe I must have said before. This was very intersting and I enjoyed reading it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarette Smoke | [ Reply to This ]
      Yet again, I'm really impressed with this.
    I really like it, and there are some wonderful little turns of phrase in there too.
    That first stanza really knocks your socks off, and the whole thing has a very edgy, contemporary feel to it that I'm really fond of.
    The line:

    "When mirrors start laughing
    You know youíve cracked"
    Is one of those really sharp, witty things that's going to stay with me for days. Read with a smirk on the lips.

    The only thing I'd say is that the line:
    "Read <a>loud seems softer"
    is seriously confusing in it's meaning, and I'm not sure I get the point of it. Maybe, if I'm interpreting you right, it would be a little clearer written:

    "Read <a>aloud, it seems softer"

    Or maybe that's just me.
    Also, I don't know what the point is of the sentance spelled out in <>'s. I mean, sure I know what it says, but I'm not sure I understand why. To me it doesn't seem necessary, although maybe that's just because there's something I'm missing here.
    Either way, it gave me a really good read at this ungodly hour of the morning and I really enjoyed it. Nice going.

    Kindest regards,
    Roses
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by shatteredroses | [ Reply to This ]
      your words are a part of you that crawls around on the inside and they can only speak when written and once written they reveal you...or not...but regardless I find you to be totally fascinating because your style is so very much your own and it always makes me think to the point of exhaustion.

    hope all is well on the other side of the pond
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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