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[louder and with more feeling]


Author: ellisa
Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 400 /415 /125
Words: 119
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1190
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 901



Description:


I've confused myself


writing - about writing


?

<look in the>


[louder and with more feeling]




The dissatisfaction
Rolls on the tongue
Like the lingering word
Reciprocity.

My imagery,
<I> heard him say,
My imagery of you is me.

When mirrors start laughing
You know you’ve cracked,
Repeating yourself
After seven years bad luck.
My childhood of <write>rs block,

Knock <three times> if it’s you

Such naïve little birds
Are the ones that hit windows,
So now I’m looking out-

But here

Stop to look back,
Read <a>loud seems softer
Than the words that happen
When you don’t speak.
So speak to me,
Read me aloud and I’ll speak to you…
Not here, not now though,
But some<day>
I promise
I’ll talk to you.





Submitted on 2005-05-10 13:02:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Very tricky. I like how you added that little message in the poem.
"Such naïve little birds
Are the ones that hit windows,"
That is my favorite part. I am not sure why all I know is that I love it. I love all of your work as I believe I must have said before. This was very intersting and I enjoyed reading it.
| Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarette Smoke | [ Reply to This ]
  Yet again, I'm really impressed with this.
I really like it, and there are some wonderful little turns of phrase in there too.
That first stanza really knocks your socks off, and the whole thing has a very edgy, contemporary feel to it that I'm really fond of.
The line:

"When mirrors start laughing
You know you’ve cracked"
Is one of those really sharp, witty things that's going to stay with me for days. Read with a smirk on the lips.

The only thing I'd say is that the line:
"Read <a>loud seems softer"
is seriously confusing in it's meaning, and I'm not sure I get the point of it. Maybe, if I'm interpreting you right, it would be a little clearer written:

"Read <a>aloud, it seems softer"

Or maybe that's just me.
Also, I don't know what the point is of the sentance spelled out in <>'s. I mean, sure I know what it says, but I'm not sure I understand why. To me it doesn't seem necessary, although maybe that's just because there's something I'm missing here.
Either way, it gave me a really good read at this ungodly hour of the morning and I really enjoyed it. Nice going.

Kindest regards,
Roses
| Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by shatteredroses | [ Reply to This ]
  your words are a part of you that crawls around on the inside and they can only speak when written and once written they reveal you...or not...but regardless I find you to be totally fascinating because your style is so very much your own and it always makes me think to the point of exhaustion.

hope all is well on the other side of the pond
| Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]


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