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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Serenitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jengrr
    ASL Info:    20/McBain
    Elite Ratio:    5.85 - 95/104/22
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 865
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 653



    Description:
       There is no where in the world that I can escape the stress in life other than this beautiful old bluff off of Lake Michigan, near Frankfort, MI. There is nothing to compare with the solemn beauty of the bluffs near Lake Michigan!!! *Note* I used a new format on this poem that a friend suggested, repeating lines 2 & 4 as lines 1 & 3, so I'd appreciate some input on that, thanks!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSerenitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    The waves did crash
    Upon the shore
    Twinkling blue
    And dazzling green

    Upon the shore
    Wind whistled past
    Twinkling blue
    Mixed with white clouds

    Wind whistled past
    While I stood high
    Mixed with white clouds
    And crunching sand

    While I stood high
    With dunes and flowers
    And crunching sand
    With swaying trees

    With dunes and flowers
    And seagulls crying
    With swaying trees
    I stood alone

    And seagulls crying
    In that peaceful place
    I stood alone
    Atop that bluff




    Submitted on 2005-05-10 16:43:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked the format of this poem! I like how you experimented with different formats - it speaks well of your creative ability. Try this, and try that - very nice! Don't let anyone tell you different, this is a wonderful piece! The back and forth of the two lines in each stanza to the next stanza made me feel like I was on the water - almost like waves? What was your inspiration for this method of line and stanza?
    Kelly
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]
      Same feeling that I get on the shores of the ocean. There is something about them that makes you feel small but greater at the same time. Read the Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, there is something to be said about that in there. I like the format, but I don't think that is something that can be used all the time. Its interesting, but it also limits the poem. Great once again.

    Joe
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by thezeroman88 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there!
    I enjoyed reading this poem. I also like the new format! It puts a new spin on things ya know? I can relate to this write as well. I too, love the water. For me it is the ocean but I hear the great lakes are huge! Anyway, very nicely written!Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. I like how you repeat your self without doing so in a pattern. Its like your being repetitive without being repetitve...if that makes any sense. You are a talented writer Jan...I look forward to reading more of your art.
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by Samuel Bielz | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't want to be the one who bashes this considering the great feedback u got. I will say however the descrip in it - is very well done. I would have wished for this to have taken me the reader a little deeper into a feeling/story & I know you were working a format and that sometimes it is the best or worse enemy in a write.
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]
      Well this was interesting to read and I would like to see a picture of that old bluff to see if it is anything like I pictured in my mind.
    It kept my attention and that says a lot so I will say this is a good write. Keep it up!
    !Doc`
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow... I read this poem about three times, the first to just read it, the second to try to figure out the way you wrote it and the third... to try and figure out the way you wrote it. It's interesting, I love it.

    Favorite:
    "While I stood high
    With dunes and flowers
    And crunching sand
    With swaying trees

    With dunes and flowers
    And seagulls crying
    With swaying trees
    I stood alone"

    I noticed that if you took the first line ("While I stood high")out of that and the last ("I stood alone") put them together you have "While I stood high, I stood alone." and it may just be me but at times that's how I feel.

    Mostly I am saying is the poem is really great. Keep it up!

    †Bree†
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by Destined | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww that's so beautiful. xD I love how you say that you stood alone on the bluff to add a touch of sadness at the end of the poem. I also love the repetition. ^.^ Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by DreamofOrganon | [ Reply to This ]
      its a really cool technique and id love to wirte something like it but just a little tip dont tell people about it because then theyll be looking for it and thinking to themselves wait that makes no sense cuz at first it didnt to me. i think it adds to the greatness of the peoms if you dont tell them how you worte it you know?? like theres somethign great but they cant put their finger on what exactly.. idk just an idea... it was a beautiful poem and ive got one of those places too.
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      this format was very interesting.i did enjoy it very much actuly,i would sugjest a litle ryime though,perhaps at the last line of each stanza ryiming with the the last line of the stanza before it?well in any case i liked the poem,the place sounds like a sort if heavon to me.i love seagulls ^_^

    ?dreamer?
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by dreamer | [ Reply to This ]


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