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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hourglassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: etheariac
    ASL Info:    17/f/NC
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 75/91/36
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 279
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1028



    Description:
       this is about time and how it can't be stopped; the watcher is anyone who looks back at time and wishes to change it. The poem mostly speaks about the nature of time, using sand like in an hourglass. One of those strange kind of "looking at blank paper and it comes out" poems, i guess? anyway, enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHourglassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Slow, bending
    time sifting through porous gleam of glass,
    reflecting sweet light so solemnly embraced;
    This hourglass sits serenely,
    docile, perceiving and hanging upon each moment for its defined life.
    The sands will not grip onto these passing whims,
    for it is their job to wander lightly on the path of time;
    to usher onward a judgement of the present,
    while falling away from ideals of what is past.
    The watchers and wishers wring palms and wipe sweat wayward,
    scrutinizing the character of those ambulating grains.
    Like a river, they strive for transcience,
    passing from one hand to the next,
    still counting, but never accepting permanence.
    If only, the watchers think, we could twist the crossing of sand into a shape more formidable;
    Yet this liquid untouchable form submits to no control,
    only continues to sift and swat as it wishes,
    consistent and unbound to the watcher's unending persecution.




    Submitted on 2005-05-10 21:09:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I don't think I've read a more beautiful analogy of time before. I enjoyed it a great deal, and I really don't have any critiques for it. The flow works nicely, in my opinion, with the words you chose to use. Good work.

    Justin

    PS - Maybe you'd like to check out a poem of mine that has a few lines devoted to time. It's titled Time is a Slow Demon.
    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by IamYourTragedy | [ Reply to This ]
      i would say break down the stanzas myself but this needs not to. i love how you use your words and the fact you such extreme words to write your poem, magnificent.

    This poem is quite discriptive of the pains of time and what they can congure up.

    This was a great write ill check your other stuff out to.

    ACE
    | Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by Ace | [ Reply to This ]
      normally I would say a breakdown in stanzas will aid the flow of the poem but the continuous, uninhibited flow of your words in this poem mimick the constant flow of sand in the hourglass.

    my fave lines:
    "The sands will not grip onto these passing whims,
    for it is their job to wander lightly on the path of time;
    to usher onward a judgement of the present,
    while falling away from ideals of what is past.'"

    your analogy was just beautiful. thanks for the great write.

    cheers,
    rachel

    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by wilted_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey now, this was a good poem :)...Nicely worded and very discriptive...Yes, the use of an hourglass to look at time may be a bit on the cliché side of things but this poem was incredibly unique :) I'm glad I stopped to read it :)

    Good Job!
    keep Writing!
    Stw
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      This was extremely thought-provoking, and very well done, but I think you almost lost the plot at the end, and the poem bogged down a bit in its own rhetoric, maybe got a bit too introspective.
    But, overall, very well done. I liked it a lot
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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