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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: tears in a towndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: realpoet
    Elite Ratio:    6.51 - 904/475/311
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Misc/Depressed
    Total Views: 764
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 692



    Description:
       These are my thoughts as I heard news that two small girls were slain,possibly by a father.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstears in a towndots
    -------------------------------------------


    Two little neighbors
    very close as friends
    saw night before day's end

    Each one in town
    is shocked beyond explain
    why two small children were slain.

    Tears can not bring back
    the fleeting joy of friends
    but justice yells,"catch the fiend!"

    The town may have scars
    deeper than shot of gun
    Why a father could harm these innocent ones.

    Each life has numbered time
    no one can deny
    there'll always be the .question "why?"

    The town has grown closer
    seeing time has numbered days
    and people have numbered ways




    Submitted on 2005-05-10 22:04:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Is this in reference to the two girls that were slain in Illinois? I'm not sure, but that aside I enjoyed the poem.

    I've actually heard of two double murders here in the last couple of weeks, but I'm not sure if this was based on recent or past events. Either way, nice write about a bad subject.

    Take care,
    Rob
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, LOVE the first stanza and how it flows into the second one, however "close as close friends" seems a bit...well like there could be a better way to show their closeness. Overall I liked the poem but it feels a bit unfinished. I feel as thought it really had an end...or that it wasn't wrapped up very well. Also, like I said the intro was great, very intriguing, but it lost it's momentum through the poem. The rhyme scheme was alright, but you switch it up in the last stanza...maybe you were trying to get a certain effect out of it or something? It made it feel a bit broken to me. Not that rhyme schemes have to stay strict throughout but I find that when you end a poem in a couplet it tends to make it feel more wrapped up and here you switch it from that. Dunno-just my thoughts! Have a good one.
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by Skodi | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem - I can't even comment on what I would do differently, etc.. because this poem, being written so close to when this #*!* did this to these beautiful children, and the story being in the news so much, your poem has broken me up again. So I guess it's a good poem - it sure filled me with emotion!
    I feel so bad for these children and their loved ones. Why do some people feel they need to be so terrible? It's sickening! (OK - I'll stop now...)
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by Laura Lee | [ Reply to This ]


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