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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Have a drink with me?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katia
    ASL Info:    23/F/Europe
    Elite Ratio:    6.39 - 586/529/29
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 2000
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 627



    Description:
       An 'old fashioned' is a cocktail with whiskey, curacao, angostura bitters, sugar and an orange slice...A bittersweet, complex, combination :)

    Many thanks to Phil for all his help!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHave a drink with me?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wouldn’t it be wonderful?
    Wouldn't it…

    If I could blend you
    into a smooth daiquiri?
    Adulterate my hands in
    the mix,
    Moisturize my skin
    with your
    perfume?
    Can you smell the
    mango
    trickling down my
    breast?
    Don’t dilute me
    with your scotch,
    with your malt,
    with your gin.
    I don’t want it neat.
    Save the twist.
    Its in the sticky
    sweet
    syrupy
    nights
    You taste best

    But I’ve developed an
    ‘old-fashioned’ taste






    Submitted on 2005-05-11 07:05:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, the weekend has been long and I have been looking for some good kind of great stuff to read - so in veritably I wound up on your page - and what to my eyes doth jump at me "Have a drink with me?", So, of course since I love drinking with you, I pulled up to the bar next to you and started reading...

    Now, I read Nikki's "Jack in the Box" & Traci's (onetruesmartass) "Temptation" - Nikki got me laughing, Traci made me turn the fan on, but this...Katia-Gina-Maria, WOW. very nicely done.

    The whole aldulterating, moisturizing, trickling thing was just an "Orgasm" waiting to happen - like "Sex on the Beach", your "57 Chevy", a "Blow job" to the "Brain"...but what really got to me was the "sticky
    sweet
    syrupy
    nights
    You taste best"
    That was the "Screaming Orgasm" of the piece
    But what would I know, it's been a few years since I've bartended and I have also "developed an 'old fashioned' taste"
    Excellent piece my friend
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm..this made me consider taking up drinking again! lol (seven years undone by a poem!) I know this is one of your olders, but I've be browsing the site and stumbled upon it. Very very nice. I like the implied sensuality, the form that has the reader clinging to every word, wanting to know what happens next, but at the same time not wanting to know, lest it be not what is in our dirty little brains lol. Great work dear, hope you have fun on your trip.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      Just zooming through your poems tonight. Its weird, but this one reads different now. I love it when that happens.

    Like when i went to college with all of these poems in my head that i'd been reading in high school...and they taught me what they meant...not just how they felt to me.

    I learned to read critically... that "Romantic" (my favorites) was a movement not just a misnomer... i learned that there is a deeper meaning in most everything... if you simply choose to look.

    (i'd like to know what YOU mean Katia)
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      Love this one! It makes me thirsty. I was an "old fashioned" drinker at one time, many years ago. You found the recipe for that taste and posted it. This just needs some spicing up. So here are my suggestions. "Wouldn't it be wonderful... "If I could..." That's how I'd start.
    Luke's right, in that you should use, shall we say, spicier verbs. I think "blend" works with the other changes to come. "Stain" should change to something like "adulterate". I think "soak" should be "moisturize". So "become" must change to "with" and "our" to "my". Now. this is were you sell it. "Bedpost" must go! Use "chest" ,or if you dare "breasts", to rhyme with "best" and relly heat things up. I think you should capitalize "Save" and it should be "It's". I would also reccommend "sticky" / "sweet".

    Hey, these are only suggestions, trash 'em if you wish. Just my heartfelt and honest desire to make this better, led me to offer them.

    I love your poem! You probably sense that this is somthing akin to what I like, and you've done a great job, composing it. It is clever in its use of drink names to imply a sexual undertone. Did she mean a drink...or something else? Hmmm!

    Okay so I liked it, and I've suggested ways to improve it. My first impression, was this is cool. By that I mean humorous and sexy too. I find lots of originality in this. Not all poetry has to be written about lofty ideals. Some can just be entertaining. This one entertains, and I love it.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, how can a person write so much about one poem?? Interesting, but it seems to me he's just a little long-winded there...

    Oh well, as long as all those words came out to mean something to you.

    I liked this one... although that can be because I like to drink (when I'm not pregnant), so it gives me something to compare it to in a way, if you know what i mean??

    Anyway, this one is great, and I'm on to read more. Keep up the great work, and look for me to be posting on other works soon.

    Unicorn.
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      ooo yeah, i like this, it is smooooth..

    It's in the sticky
    sweetly
    syrupy
    nights
    You taste best...

    yumm.. sexy. this exudes intoxication, i really love it. thanks for sharing this taste treat!
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent. I love the way the couplets (if that's what they're called) begin and end this poem. Very erotic and appealing to other appetites as well. Leaves me wondering what exactly you mean by 'an old-fashioned taste'. And wondering a few other things as well. This is the sort of poem that i like the best, perhaps because it is the kind that i am least able to write. That being the sort of poem that flows so naturally and effortlessly that the ease of reading it has a charm all its own...that instantly sends me back to the top to read it again. This one evokes many thoughts and sensations, in a very short space. Great Katia, glad you posted it.

    see you later, kc :)
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Katia, I have to agree with joey, I think the mango goes on the thigh, just because the mention of body parts isn't overdone here. Mangoes, tropical, hot, juicy, well need I say more? Seems you have created an interesting, means of intoxication, well, love is the coolest drug there is. Great job on this one,
    peace and love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      hm, ok darlin', here's my thoughts. i read this about 5 times, and each time it became sweeter (i guess i "developed a taste" for it!). i get 2 things from this poem, but they are very interrelated. first...the complexity of an individual and the necessity to drink it all at once and truly enjoy it. it's uncontidional and total love...to drink someone in and love how the individual complexity of him/her makes them who they are...and to become intoxicated by who they are. secondly, i see the imagery of the old-fashioned to represent the two individuals joining. that complexity of the individual is magnified in a relationship, and now you have 2 people with their own individual "mixtures" coming together to create something new, something that blends, something that works. beautiful job. i hope this is helpful in some way. daddy like ;)
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice job with this. The only change I would suggest would be to change:

    Can you smell the
    mango
    trickling down our
    bedpost?

    to:

    Can you smell the
    mango
    trickling down my
    thigh?

    I think that would heighten the sensuality. Good job with this.

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      OK, I'll have another crack at this, since my comment yesterday has died and gone to etherland.
    Hmm, must have been drunker yesterday, it was easier.
    This just OOZEs sensuality. Incredible mind-blowing pure lust. I love it! "trickling down our bedpost?" help me up..."sticky, sweetly, syrupy" wow, pass my fire extinguisher!
    Hell, Kat, (haha hellcat!) this is exceeding the bounds of not making guys blush!
    Lucky I'm an old-fashioned sorta guy!
    Truly excellent work
    Pass me a swizzle stick, baby, (and that cheese platter)
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      You start out by asking whether it's wonderful. It is. It's inebriating. Actually come to think of it the poem cd easily describe the effect it has on the reader. We soak it up and and smell like a daiquiri, although perhaps not like whisky, cs that's just like smelling like an alcoholic. :). Only noticed one thing, i guess kindof an inconsistency (unless it's just moi): you write "Don't dilute me" when the poem is talking about mixing him. Feel free to set me strait though. The sounds of scotch, malt and gin evoke thick, sweet and spicy all at the same time. That bedpost hint of sensuality is a light allusion well inserted into the poem. Basically you blend all these evokative liquors making the poem irresistible, which you then cast aside with your closing lines. Ah why can't things be simpler is the message i get from that closure. Great write! :) Peace
    Raz
    Oh and did i mention i'm dang favoring this piece cs it's the [censored]e.
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by razmohin2 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is just dripping with sexiness, and trust me, I know sexy...you are clearly very clever and talented...I think your use of line length was perfect for this theme and that you pulled it off with absolute (if I can inject my own flavor) perfection. Very, very hot and clever!
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      YEAH!

    a gal after my own heart! (notice my id name is Stoli???) LOL

    i really liked the twist you gave to a lover! comparisons with different drinks?? how creative you are...

    the seductive, passionate tone kinda makes me wanna hit happy hour and see who's there! LOL

    nicely done!
    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this..very much... very sensual and seductive like...

    Stain my hands in
    the mix
    Soak my skin
    become your
    perfume
    Can you smell the
    mango
    trickling down our
    bedpost?

    These are my favourite lines.
    Good use of alliteration in sticky, sweetly, syrupy..I'm feeling in need of intoxication now...lol.. thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
      LOL! I knew you was an alcoholic! LMFAO

    I knew there was a reason for all that gin in your freezer!

    This though, was very good! I really liked the whole scheme of it. You put it together very well. Loved everything about it!

    Bout time you posted again! Now to see, how long will you leave them on there?

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      That's just nuts. I mean good nutty, not bad nutty, because I could smell the different flavors and that was just CRAZY sensual and somehow very ummm olphactory-teasing? I say, YEAH, me like it good unk. Feeling a little drun<HiiiEEEk>K after reedin attun vera guddun, deary!
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      interestingly tasty poem here...doesnt often happen. theres something more seductive about listing the intoxicating substances rather than describing someone as like something...if you see what i mean. Im sorry to be just rushing through right now, i read this on my way out of the site you see...felt i should at least say this shows a sparkingly unique aproach to seductive poetry...sticky...

    thanks for sharing
    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was intriguing, just the beginning lines draw me in and beg more, though I am not muh of a drinker anymore I liked the ideas you had and the lines...

    "Don’t dilute me
    with your scotch,
    with your malt,
    with your gin."

    Those were my favorite.

    Take Care,
    -Tom
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this, it was sensual and fun. It flowed well and wording was good. I have been writing about alcohol lately as well. Take care.
    | Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]


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