Description: An 'old fashioned' is a cocktail with whiskey, curacao, angostura bitters, sugar and an orange slice...A bittersweet, complex, combination :)
Many thanks to Phil for all his help!
Have a drink with me? -------------------------------------------
Wouldn’t it be wonderful?
If I could blend you
into a smooth daiquiri?
Adulterate my hands in
Moisturize my skin
Can you smell the
trickling down my
Don’t dilute me
with your scotch,
with your malt,
with your gin.
I don’t want it neat.
Save the twist.
Its in the sticky
You taste best
Well, the weekend has been long and I have been looking for some good kind of great stuff to read - so in veritably I wound up on your page - and what to my eyes doth jump at me "Have a drink with me?", So, of course since I love drinking with you, I pulled up to the bar next to you and started reading...
Now, I read Nikki's "Jack in the Box" & Traci's (onetruesmartass) "Temptation" - Nikki got me laughing, Traci made me turn the fan on, but this...Katia-Gina-Maria, WOW. very nicely done.
The whole aldulterating, moisturizing, trickling thing was just an "Orgasm" waiting to happen - like "Sex on the Beach", your "57 Chevy", a "Blow job" to the "Brain"...but what really got to me was the "sticky sweet syrupy nights You taste best" That was the "Screaming Orgasm" of the piece But what would I know, it's been a few years since I've bartended and I have also "developed an 'old fashioned' taste" Excellent piece my friend Lisa
Hmm..this made me consider taking up drinking again! lol (seven years undone by a poem!) I know this is one of your olders, but I've be browsing the site and stumbled upon it. Very very nice. I like the implied sensuality, the form that has the reader clinging to every word, wanting to know what happens next, but at the same time not wanting to know, lest it be not what is in our dirty little brains lol. Great work dear, hope you have fun on your trip. Traci :)
Love this one! It makes me thirsty. I was an "old fashioned" drinker at one time, many years ago. You found the recipe for that taste and posted it. This just needs some spicing up. So here are my suggestions. "Wouldn't it be wonderful... "If I could..." That's how I'd start. Luke's right, in that you should use, shall we say, spicier verbs. I think "blend" works with the other changes to come. "Stain" should change to something like "adulterate". I think "soak" should be "moisturize". So "become" must change to "with" and "our" to "my". Now. this is were you sell it. "Bedpost" must go! Use "chest" ,or if you dare "breasts", to rhyme with "best" and relly heat things up. I think you should capitalize "Save" and it should be "It's". I would also reccommend "sticky" / "sweet".
Hey, these are only suggestions, trash 'em if you wish. Just my heartfelt and honest desire to make this better, led me to offer them.
I love your poem! You probably sense that this is somthing akin to what I like, and you've done a great job, composing it. It is clever in its use of drink names to imply a sexual undertone. Did she mean a drink...or something else? Hmmm!
Okay so I liked it, and I've suggested ways to improve it. My first impression, was this is cool. By that I mean humorous and sexy too. I find lots of originality in this. Not all poetry has to be written about lofty ideals. Some can just be entertaining. This one entertains, and I love it.
Excellent. I love the way the couplets (if that's what they're called) begin and end this poem. Very erotic and appealing to other appetites as well. Leaves me wondering what exactly you mean by 'an old-fashioned taste'. And wondering a few other things as well. This is the sort of poem that i like the best, perhaps because it is the kind that i am least able to write. That being the sort of poem that flows so naturally and effortlessly that the ease of reading it has a charm all its own...that instantly sends me back to the top to read it again. This one evokes many thoughts and sensations, in a very short space. Great Katia, glad you posted it.
Hi Katia, I have to agree with joey, I think the mango goes on the thigh, just because the mention of body parts isn't overdone here. Mangoes, tropical, hot, juicy, well need I say more? Seems you have created an interesting, means of intoxication, well, love is the coolest drug there is. Great job on this one, peace and love, Nan
hm, ok darlin', here's my thoughts. i read this about 5 times, and each time it became sweeter (i guess i "developed a taste" for it!). i get 2 things from this poem, but they are very interrelated. first...the complexity of an individual and the necessity to drink it all at once and truly enjoy it. it's uncontidional and total love...to drink someone in and love how the individual complexity of him/her makes them who they are...and to become intoxicated by who they are. secondly, i see the imagery of the old-fashioned to represent the two individuals joining. that complexity of the individual is magnified in a relationship, and now you have 2 people with their own individual "mixtures" coming together to create something new, something that blends, something that works. beautiful job. i hope this is helpful in some way. daddy like ;)
OK, I'll have another crack at this, since my comment yesterday has died and gone to etherland. Hmm, must have been drunker yesterday, it was easier. This just OOZEs sensuality. Incredible mind-blowing pure lust. I love it! "trickling down our bedpost?" help me up..."sticky, sweetly, syrupy" wow, pass my fire extinguisher! Hell, Kat, (haha hellcat!) this is exceeding the bounds of not making guys blush! Lucky I'm an old-fashioned sorta guy! Truly excellent work Pass me a swizzle stick, baby, (and that cheese platter) Be Happy Graeme
You start out by asking whether it's wonderful. It is. It's inebriating. Actually come to think of it the poem cd easily describe the effect it has on the reader. We soak it up and and smell like a daiquiri, although perhaps not like whisky, cs that's just like smelling like an alcoholic. :). Only noticed one thing, i guess kindof an inconsistency (unless it's just moi): you write "Don't dilute me" when the poem is talking about mixing him. Feel free to set me strait though. The sounds of scotch, malt and gin evoke thick, sweet and spicy all at the same time. That bedpost hint of sensuality is a light allusion well inserted into the poem. Basically you blend all these evokative liquors making the poem irresistible, which you then cast aside with your closing lines. Ah why can't things be simpler is the message i get from that closure. Great write! :) Peace Raz Oh and did i mention i'm dang favoring this piece cs it's the [censored]e.
this is just dripping with sexiness, and trust me, I know sexy...you are clearly very clever and talented...I think your use of line length was perfect for this theme and that you pulled it off with absolute (if I can inject my own flavor) perfection. Very, very hot and clever!
That's just nuts. I mean good nutty, not bad nutty, because I could smell the different flavors and that was just CRAZY sensual and somehow very ummm olphactory-teasing? I say, YEAH, me like it good unk. Feeling a little drun<HiiiEEEk>K after reedin attun vera guddun, deary!
interestingly tasty poem here...doesnt often happen. theres something more seductive about listing the intoxicating substances rather than describing someone as like something...if you see what i mean. Im sorry to be just rushing through right now, i read this on my way out of the site you see...felt i should at least say this shows a sparkingly unique aproach to seductive poetry...sticky...