Floods of the Damned by SouthrnQT

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Submission Name: Floods of the Damned dots

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Author:	SouthrnQT
ASL Info:	24/ Female/ Florida
Elite Ratio:	4.51 - 290/271/31
Words:	76

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	396
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	475

Description:
Another naughty moment? hehe

Floods of the Damned dots

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Dancing tendrils of golden blonde, kiss her delicate shoulders
Entranced by the look of abandon, as she sings out to her god
Rushes of electric waves pulse through his being
Drowning her in his wake, filling her with his passion
The scent of delicious sin wafts through the air
Consumed by wanton desires, bounding release
Post whispers fill the gaps between heaving breaths
Connected forever in fluidic memories......

Submitted on 2005-05-11 13:23:58 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Very hot! A lust-filled account of a sexual encounter? The dam breaks and she is engulfed in desire. "Floods of the Damned" . Well written without being nasty, keeping it on a higher level, yet communicating the central theme of passion and desire.I enjoyed reading this. It keeps the reader interested to the end.

There are some terrific phrases: "dancing tendrils", "electric waves" "drowning her" "post whispers". I do have some suggestions though and that's all they are, just for your appraisal, to use or not to use. First, on the format, to suit the erotic theme I would use shorter lines to quicken the pace, and I would divide it into stanzas, one for her, one for him, one for them as a couple, and then a final separate line.

I think "golden blonde" is a bit over-used, and since they are tendrils, why not use a yellow colored flower, say "marigold" or some such. I believe "with a look of abandon" is more accurate. The lower-case "god" refers to (sex?) or love, big difference there.

I'd begin the second stanza at "Rushes of". Then the third at "The scent of". "Wafts is a difficult word to say as is "heaving breaths" I'd change to something like "spices the air" and "heavy breathing". I know, that phrase is a bit trite, but also very powerful near the end to deliver a positive, confirming image.

I think it should be "fluid" and not "fluidic", and I think this should be a separate line.

I hope this dosen't sound critical, it is meant as suggestion only. Your poem can stand on its own, as is. It is a terrific and absorbing description of love-making. A pleasure to read.

Phil
| Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very interesting account of sex... I'm not sure exactly what to think: It seems to be praising and glorifying women feeling nothing except what the man is feeling. On another note, the word "fluidic" fits a little strangely into this poem. Are you sure it is a real word? I suggest consulting a dictionary. Overall, though, this is a rather interesting concept...
| Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Ajyra | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmmmmmmmmmm...what to think? the poem almost seem to be praise of sin, of fornication, but the title checks the theme of the poem and makes it more of a description of the acts of the damned rather than praise. very interesting. daddy like.
| Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very interesting piece. Had to read it couple times to actually get the meaning... pretty cool, or at least i think i got it right. Tell me if it is though. That it doesn't matter whether were take the good or the bad road, whenever we are in the moment, just just follow the passion we have inside. So although, we are the children of God, we are always tempted by the sins that are throughout our way and sometimes we just take it because we lust for it.

i don't know if it's that but that's the idea i got from it and i do hope i get it right cause i really don't like misinterpreting poetry but don't hesitate to tell me if i am wrong.

I think the poem expresses a very powerful point from my point of view and you honestly did good although it's just a little bit of words...lol...

Anyhow, peace...Irina
| Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]

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