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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For Her...Yes...Herdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PiecesOfMyHeart
    ASL Info:    14/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 22/21/9
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 247
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 894



    Description:
       ok. i honestly dont know wat i think of this myself. i knew wat i wanted to write and i dont know if im happy with how it turned out. let me know wat u think and any ideas u have so that i can redo it better....thanks...
    yes, its about a girl who i have fallen for, i choose to leave her nameless. if she is reading this (which she very well may be), i hope she knows she is perfect and i do love her...
    please dont weird out...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Her...Yes...Herdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We grew up together,
    sworn to be best friends forever.
    Two young girls
    who grew from their ribbons and curls.
    Life had been peacefull-
    simple, easy, and gleefull.
    But now that we're older
    we are treated much colder.
    We're confuzed about life;
    hearts, souls, and minds, riddled with strife.
    We're confused by our own sexuality.
    Both of us girl- mistake or technicality?
    You think that you're ugly,
    you're not. You see beauty within me.
    You're blonde, thin, and perfect.
    Chaos caused by these words would be worth it
    if you would be mine.
    Think of it; us together for all time.
    I really do love you.
    Those words couldn't be more true.
    I guess what I'm trying to say,
    is, "do you feel the same way?"




    Submitted on 2005-05-11 22:11:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I do like this one. “who grew from their ribbons and curls” I don’t know why, but that line stands out to me. I would also recommend adding some space in there. If you indented it when you originally wrote it, you’ll notice that this site doesn’t do the same, making it look cluttered.
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Cloud_lion | [ Reply to This ]
      i am actually taking a poetry class at the moment and i think this poem is good but it could also use some work. make sure you dont make it narrative. sometimes one word can describe something. but otherwise it isnt a bad job
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by Napastak | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is pretty good. I know how hard it is to write poetry like this about love (ecspecally about a girl you like... trust me i've tried and failed) I think you did a really good job with this complicated and confusing emotion. I guess, to improve if you could use some different word choice.
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by sug90 | [ Reply to This ]



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