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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Walldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Geraldine
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 241/296/80
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 810
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1203



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Walldots
    -------------------------------------------


    From the bottom of my heart, I love you.
    I am so in-love with you it hurts.
    Every day, every hour, every minute,
    it just keeps getting worse.

    The barrier I've built between us,
    my wall of saftey, has come down.
    I'm lying here vulnerable, defenseless,
    on your dark, dangerous ground.

    I want to get up, runaway.
    But still I lay here, I stay.
    Now in your world I'm consumed,
    you're my every passing day.

    I need to get back on my feet,
    I need my strength to get me through,
    back to my side, the side of safetly,
    the ground I always knew.

    But I love you.
    The words sting me like a bee,
    like a scorpian you let free
    to crawl all over me.

    Why did I cross over to your side,
    the side of pain, confusion, danger.
    The side Iv'e spent all these years escaping,
    the side where I'm now a stranger.

    I don't know who I am, or where I'm going.
    I'm lost, no longer free,
    I opened up my soul to you
    and invited you inside of me.




    Submitted on 2005-05-12 10:35:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i agree packed with emotion. wasn't sure where you were personally in life when you wrote this but it was am emotional state. A good job of transfering feelings into words, not always an easy thing to do. I liked it
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by Mommabear | [ Reply to This ]
      That was packed with emotion and very powerful.
    It shoulds to me your feelings of love for this person
    has turned unto a dangerous obsession. I think you know what you need to do but believe you are to weak to escape his grip. You need to know "sole"
    is spelled wrong it should be "soul". Good job.
    lynn
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty good. You mispelled a few words and the flow was a bit choppy. Other then that I don't really see anything wrong with it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      Not bad. I think there was a lot of emotion in this poem and I liked it. A few lines didn't really make sense to me, but for the most part it had a good idea and I liked it. : )
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by salamander | [ Reply to This ]


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