Use As Directed by MyX

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Submission Name: Use As Directed dots

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Author:	MyX
ASL Info:	27/m/Ohio
Elite Ratio:	4.37 - 891/916/93
Words:	119

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	626
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	806

Description:

Use As Directed dots

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Use As Directed

Labeled as such,
There is a crimp
in my heart.
Open me up with a scalpel.
Wring me out
from the bottom.
Unravel the ooze
of my anguish.
Press firmly and reveal
the remains of my soul’s vestiges.
And cut me down to size with a chainsaw.

If I am
tamper evident,
do not open me.

Do not take me with alcohol.

Reseal or dispense
my pride.

And do not puncture

For I have only a cotton swab
With which to soak up,
feelings so flushable,
a faith easily penetrable,
within a wish that is remarkable,
and a love that is flammable.

Submitted on 2005-05-12 10:59:03 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Sorry man, but "ooze of my anguish" is...ichy!

Other than that, i like the premise of the poem. A little bit like you are an FDA approved analgesic...which incidentally is habit-forming and may have severe side effects..."use as directed". If symptoms persist see a physician.

Okay, i'll quit fooling around. Its original though.

The main reason i'm here..zooming through this little box...is the notion of "press firmly and reveal my soul's vestiges". Never mind that you're reaching with wordiness. The essence of this expression is incontrovertible. Hehehe...

You cannot touch the soul.

kc
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
  Non-compliments, huh? Well, the only non-compliment I have is about the first three lines: they didn't seem to fit. The rest of the poem is various instructions from packaging, but the first three lines are different. I had to shift gears after reading them to get into the rest of the poem.

And the rest of the poem was definitely worth reading. Very original, MyX. So that's all the non-compliments I have. It was very good. mae
| Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, long time no see. It's scary to admit that we think alike, but my poem Painkiller was inspired by a prescription bottle. Yeah, I'd say that this is a sardonic tribute to women with all the sweetness of ear wax. There's so much sexual language in this: "bottom," "ooze,""puncture," "soak up," "penetrable," and "flushable." I also have to mention "do not 'open me,'" and "Do not 'take me' with alcohol." Even "press firmly" could be construed to be sexual. The sexual imagery is just a little too dense to be the product of my dirty mind. I suppose she portrays herself as sensitive, but in reality she's a slut that just can't live without it. I agree that the first three lines don't work. This is interesting to say the least, Amy
| Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  i enjoyed this thoroughly and i don't say that often.. the way you said everything on a subliminal level was very rare on this site.. not many people have their readers read between the lines.. i loved the descriptions given in the first stanza as well as the change of format in the the middle.. good job, keep writing
| Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by daniel05 | [ Reply to This ]
  You're a real pill, you know that?

I enjoyed this on a metaphorical level. The comparison lost some of its strength there in the last strophe, which seemed a bit like you'd fizzled out there at the end and didn't have the creativity in you to continue along on the same vein. Which is not to impune the merits of this poem at all. Not at all. It just strikes me that if you went back and reworked that last bit with the same intensity as the rest, you'd be on my favorites list <and win a cookie!>

For I have only a cotton swab
With which to soak up,
feelings so flushable,
a faith easily penetrable,
within a wish that is remarkable,
and a love that is flammable.

I think the cotton swab idea works here for me, its the old ocean in a tea cup metaphor, but said as something fresh and new. But the concept words of "love wish feelings and faith" seemed to weaken the end of this poem par excellence, you know?

As always, it's been a pleasure.

Peace.
| Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
  this is pretty clever and well executed. I'm not in a place where I can do you a lot of good right now but felt it necessary to say that I appreciate your creativity. Surely enough here to make me want to return when I get the time and read more.
| Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice write! I think this is really clever! The symbolism here is great. You compare your own pain and discourse to that on a medication label and it really fits too! "If I am tamper evident, do not open me" is the best line! Very imaginitive and really well written! Nice job! Take care.
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  hm...non-compliments, eh? Well...this definitely WASNT any good at all...hows that? lol, but all jokes aside...I liked it...one of the few poems of yours that actually seem sing-songy, but it could just be because I'm in a musical mood, and everything souns like a song right now...Flammable love...that is a very interesting concept...Sounds like a some broad couldn't follow the directions on the package...still makes for a good read though.
| Posted on 2005-05-21 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
  Purplesun...you're cute, you know that? In the "wow you totally didn't get anything he was saying" sort of way.

To me, it sounds more like a satirical, dark response to the treatment of men by women (very likely from personal experience), and how women aren't the only fragile objects in the world. I really appreciate its depth of emotion and intensity, and just want you to know that I admire you no less.
| Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by EternitysLyre | [ Reply to This ]
  sorry?...hmmn...i'm clueless beyond words to what your speaking of...though i know from the description area your sorry ...what you do piss off your girl freind...hehe...but iguess this write is beyond my comprahension...or maybe i'm to out of it to read into it...maybe i'll come back later...purp
| Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
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3. How did it make you feel?
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5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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