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    dots Submission Name: Shedots

    Author: wildchild
    ASL Info:    19/f/northwest
    Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 307/268/27
    Words: 495
    Class/Type: Prose/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 1562
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2744

       meh, go to hell.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    She couldn't take this anymore; there was just too much to deal with and it was going to slowly drive her insane. There had to be a way to let it all out. Her tears came when they wished, not when they were bidden. If they did arrive they could never fall fast enough or hard enough to satisfy her. She could scream herself hoarse and still feel unfufilled. She would dream of her nails becoming claws so she could rip the pain right out of her chest, only to wake, disappointed, to flimsy nails and unmarred torso.
    During the sleepless nights she'd cry silently out to all the gods she knew and those unknown to end the sickness in her soul that caused her such mental agony... and never received an answer.
    Counseling just pissed her off and the drugs made her worse. True, they deadened her feelings but she could never stay that way for long. She wanted to be able to feel like normal people felt. Yet whenever she stopped and cautiously opened the cellar doors, it would hit her all at once, a freight train of pain. Then it was all hell. Living as a souless shell on one side and on the flip of the coin, a bodiless soul chained in the boiling depths of hell. She hadn't decided which was worse yet.
    In a blind rage, she picked up some random thing and hurled it at a wall. The sound of tinkling glass made her smirk but did nothing to soothe the burn. A picture frame lay broken on the floor. She hesitantly picked up the frame, gazing at the shredded photo within. It was from before. Before her inner demons shackled down her heart and formed a death grip on her mind. Why couldn't she go back? Why couldn't things have stayed the same? Stayed simple? Within another fit of anger she hurled the frame from her, accidentely slicing a deep cut into the palm of her hand.
    She blinked at the pain. And then blinked again in disbelief at actually being able to feel her problems, worries, pain, and grief flowing out with her life-blood. It didn't take long for her troubled brain to make the connection. She carefully lifted a large shard of glass and carried it with her to the bathroom.
    Every new slash brought sweet relief. Every stream of crimson tears brings another problem flowing out, down the drain and away from her. A sadistic smile adorned her face and her body shivered in ecstasy as the hot blood cascaded down. Gods, how good it felt to have herself in her own hands and to finally reign in the raging conflict inside!
    The blood flow slowly ebbed and she leaned backwards against the tub with a sigh. Everything was perfect. She was finally in control and for the first time in a while she felt weak, human. Nothing would ever be the same again.

    Submitted on 2005-05-12 18:35:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      sad, and anger. but i loved it. its the way i feel right now
    i just wanna die so i don't have to deal with any of the crap thats going on in the world.. f uck... well.. this was really good.

    | Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by Kay | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of something I wrote as a teenager....................................Well, just like it, but diffrent, ok no not at all like this ,.......................................way off at the the other end of the spectrium. ok ya mine sucked. Yours I liked mine I dont
    | Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by ooononotthatguy | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi sweet Jess [I will continue calling you sweet]
    I accidentally came across this work of yours.. Didnt even check on title or subject or form..
    I wouldnt have read it when I knew this was a story, 'cause I hate reading stories. I am always too lazy to read them, because they are ehmm , seem, so long.
    I am actually glad I started reading this. In fact I didnt stop reading one sec, It really took all my concentration. [and you know how hard that one is to keep, with all buses and stuff driving by, lol]
    It would be a bit obvious for me to say I can relate, because .. you know.
    Anyway.. The descriptions you gave were really good, how one actioned followed from another.. and that she actually broke a frame. And believe me or not, thats what I did exactly. I broke a frame. In it was a picture of me, at the age of 12.. I hate that picture but I can't seem to convince my parents that they should take it away. Anyway, I broke it.. Not accidentally cut myself with it though, yes it was on purpose. I remember it was a deep cut in my hand. At least I had a reason, a lie, to tell my parents why I had that cut. I cleaned up all the other pieces, but saved that one I cut with. I still have it.
    Ok enough of me telling you that..
    Maybe its because you once cut yourself, but you really managed to capture those feelings and write them that. It was just.. perfect.. I guess..

    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      so intense and well written! i love the details and description!!! great wording and lovely use of cutting and depression! GREAT AND THANX FOR THE COMMENTS ( im gonna keep posting poems just to let ya know...i thought about it and i wasnt thinking to clear when i said that they were to personal and stuff.)

    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Razorgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      i would have to agree with unicrom when they said I think it would be a good idea to seperate the paragraphs for ease of reading and to emphasized the transitions better. other than that i think that this was good.
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is more like a mini novelet. It' very descriptive and portrays strong emotions.

    However I think it would be a good idea to seperate the paragraphs for ease of reading and to emphasized the transitions better.
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by Unicrom | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice. I freakin loved it my "freaky little darling", lol.

    God this was intense, the images were amazing! I was taken to this "place" standing beside her, watching with only my spirit, not connected enough to do domething, but there enough to feel the pain...the torment. *Shivers* Woo man, this was so good. I got goose bumps, chills, the whole nine yards.

    I was smiling by the end, again, I might seem morbid for doing so, but it was just, well, knowing, knowing how it feels, knowing why one would do something like that...knowing, thats a laugh, how could anyone ever know right? Thats why we are all so [censored]ed up (Even though it won't let me say [censored])

    Kim is really pissed off about this, I don't see why, she can write what ever the hell she wants, but when you write something she jumps all over your ass. We all love you and would hate for anything to happen to you, but writting is doing anything, accept realising a little pain, emphasis on a little, lol.

    *Shakes her head* Wow, just plain freakin wow...if that makes any sense what-so-ever. I love it, Jess, it is beautiful, in its own little way.

    I <3 you Sista Jess, <3 Sista Bon
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG! I dont think I have ever been swept away inside a story like this before. It wasnt all life sucks im gonna slit my wrists like many including myself have done! But it was so great. I knew how she has felt, the drugs only numb pain. You cant feel it, but yet, you still know its there. It bites. It was truly magnificent. And I know how this chick feels. It was omg. . My life story! Great write. One of my new favs!
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by Blindly-N-Love | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really sad, but Aki thinks it's really good. HEY! Jess' thing has the same name as a poem aki wrote and posted for about 2 hours.. um.. that was a bit off topic.

    I can, sadly, really relate to the feeling thegirl is going though, though I haven't done the whole drugs and consuler thing. (why is aki telling jess this? Aki has no idea, I'm trying to tell you how good aki thought this was, in spite of it being sad.. um..) It's really really good, keep up the good work? (will jess keep it up?)
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      really really good. this is one of the most moving poems and i can relate oh so well to it. im addign it as a favorite now. i really really liked it alot. keep this up! such good emotion in it. just have to say i really liekd it again. it was amazing.
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by star_on_fire22 | [ Reply to This ]

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