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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lachrymosedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 747



    Description:
       I've been drunk for five consecutive days. This is what came out.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLachrymosedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I lick my lips and remember the taste
    Of your breath, hot in my mouth
    On humid summer nights
    Filled with nothing but sticky sweet kisses
    And promises neither of us meant to keep

    Vestiges of your smile linger behind my eyes
    Invading my consciousness without permission
    Your memory stalks me in the quiet of the night
    Keeping me awake, pacing the rooms in search of your scent
    I can’t sleep without waking with your name on my lips

    The ghost of your touch survives my shivering
    I don’t want to need this
    Grasping at empty images of a life we’ll never share
    Clinging to a long-dashed hope
    That everything will turn out all right




    Submitted on 2005-05-12 20:12:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      >_< Wow, thanks for all the comments on my stuff. I can't let a good deed like that go unrepayed. (if that's a word) Although, I'm not on the computer very often, so the process may be a bit slow. But here goes.

    I liked this. You have good imagery. It reminded me of a song (a MCR song, in patricular) and that, my friend, is one of the highest compliments I give out.

    Some of my favorite lines:

    And promises neither of us meant to keep

    (that line in particular reminded me of a FOB song, because they have a line almost exactly like that. And even though it's somewhat overused, I liked it anyway.)

    Vestiges of your smile linger behind my eyes

    Grasping at empty images of a life we’ll never share

    The last stanza really reminded me of My Chemical Romance....so, yeah, this was great. ^_^ Wouldn't change a thing.

    -Lexie
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by RawrFlowers | [ Reply to This ]
      ok so i don't really think i have the right to go into the personal aspect of this poem as it seems as if that would be unfair to you for me to as i think i may have put together for myself what this means to you personally, from other tidbits of your life story i have read but i will say that if ya wanna talk bout [censored] my s/n's on my page.

    This write is spectacular as far as style and my personal taste in literature. almost every line is like this cool little quote.

    favorite lines-
    Vestiges of your smile linger behind my eyes
    The ghost of your touch survives my shivering--- especially that one... o0o0o0ohhh gives me shivers.

    all i'll say is this. becareful that you don't jump away from a match into a forest fire. things have a tendancy to spiral and spirals become tighter at the bottom making each turn around faster and faster and leaving you disorientated at the end. which makes it harder to stop. get what i'm on about?

    well regardless i really liked this.

    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem, very deep and emotional. Get off the booze though, 5 days? You do know that is five days of your life you will never have again? No one is promised tommorrow, in case you forgot.
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      wow- you're pretty fu<king eloquent and reminiscient when plastered! i enjoyed this piece- but i think i enjoy your more perverse side a la Deconstructing Mrs. Bovary and the sexy one i commented on... my favorite line is : The ghost of your touch survives my shivering- beautiful. *md*
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]


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