"Till The Thrill Was Gone" by LameMansTerms

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Submission Name: "Till The Thrill Was Gone" dots

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Author:	LameMansTerms
ASL Info:	36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
Elite Ratio:	4.31 - 713/1012/165
Words:	58

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	411
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	414

Description:
just saw some people jonesing for LT so this I hope holds you over till the next harvest.

"Till The Thrill Was Gone" dots

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My time gets divided
between things I don’t want to do,
And things I do but never liked
Like you.
Why bother to fight it.
It’s just life’s grip around your neck getting tighter.
And as I asphyxiate,
I delegate
My will.
Cause it’s gone,
And so is the thrill.

lamemansterms

Submitted on 2005-05-12 20:32:35 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i love this. it describes every persons frustration with the things we do that we don't like to do. nice and short and well written. nice job. i especially like the line:
And things I do but never liked it
Like you.

kind of had a double meaning to me...funny
| Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Tinasha | [ Reply to This ]
  Man, I think that you're thinking about that chick from VAlentine's Day. Get it all out dude. Maybe then you'll figure out the answer to your journal.
~Jess
| Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
  I f*cking love this.....
ya...i like the idea, the feeling, the flow of it..i like the words you choose. very nice.
okay i only have one issue here...

and things i do but never like....
like you

i think that sounds a little more...uh..proper. things i do but never liked it. is wrong because your using 'things i do' in the present tense and 'but never liked it' in the past tense. besides if you just saylike it flows to the next line....

like you....

but other than that i love it and it did feed my LT desire...but only for awhile.
keep it comin' sexy.

CC
| Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this, it was cut-throat honest. I admire that you seemed to have gotten all your emotions out on this one. Great write, the form of this poem adds to it I think, it gives it better flow. A few lines could use revision, better wroding but overall another good poem.
Hope all is better for you soon, it can't rain everday.
Take Care,
-Tom
| Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
  I get the point, been there.

It’s just life’s grip around your neck getting tighter.
And as I asphyxiate

I think to keep this in the flow, "your" might work better as "my"

It’s just life’s grip around my neck getting tighter.
| Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  Hay, I like certain parts of this write but I'm still sort of confused on the direction you are trying to go with this.

I really like the first four lines even though I think that the third would be better written:
"And the things I do but never liked" the 'it' at the end seems a bit out of place. You shoulod take this out.

You need a question mark after the fifth line. I like this though, how you seemed to divided the peice just like your thoughts with a question.

I think I might have an idea of where you are going with this one so bare with me. It seems, to me, that the subject of the poem (you of course) is somewhat bored with life. I'm not sure about this peice though, so if you want to expand on your ideas with a reply I would like that.
Thanks for the read though, PEACE.
| Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]

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