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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your Queendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ashlee_jane2003
    ASL Info:    24-female-Indianapolis
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 210/210/39
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 280
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 441



    Description:
       This is kind of a rewrite of Grim Gift of Death. I really loved what I had going with that so I wrote another one. If you haven't read my poem Grim Gift of Death then read it and tell me which one you think is ultimately the better one. Thanks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Queendots
    -------------------------------------------


    I will never be your queen...
    Your world is just too good for me.

    Please allow me to waist
    A moment of space
    So I may canvas the feelings
    On your hurtful face.

    Pour myself a small glass
    of your cutting attitude.
    And I'll drink it forever
    Cause it's a part of you.

    I will never be your queen...
    Your world is just too much for me.




    Submitted on 2005-05-13 02:53:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the second stanza is beautiful, especially "so I may canvas the feelings On your hurtful face." i can see myself being calmly pained by this.
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by mimose- | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the third stanza a lot. i have yet to read you other version but this one was pretty good. this made me think of earlier this year, when i wasnt quite sure where to go or where i belonged. good job.
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Rosalynn Annett | [ Reply to This ]
      As told, I read the other version of this piece. I think I like the freeverse version better. (Which is odd, because I usually hate freeverse.)
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Pax Parvani | [ Reply to This ]



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