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    dots Submission Name: These Eyesdots

    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1263
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 910

       Written in December 2004

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThese Eyesdots

    These eyes...they may shine...
    For you......
    A mixture of bright green and blue.

    With streaks of yellow like a feline...
    oh..and did I mention that the color....
    Can change with my mood.

    These eyes.....
    I've used them to seduce....
    To resolve..to beg...
    To get my way....
    Or let others see me...
    To make them believe.
    Yes...these eyes I've used.

    Cleopatra, Helen Of Troy, Nefertiti.....
    Did they have these eyes before me,
    And did they use them just to see ?

    So when you say to me 'Hey you...
    With those eyes you can see right through'......
    It doesn't surprise me, doesn't amaze me...
    But it does plague me.
    Only because these eyes you see....
    Do things sometimes they just shouldn't do.

    Submitted on 2005-05-13 03:45:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      thats pretty good, I have green/greyish/brown eyes and people say they change pending on what I wear. Eh whatever -I love nefrititi btw. I bet you are a good looking chick cause the last two I have read are rain drops and this and now this is justa guewss but Im guessing HOT-I know you are married -I am just complimenting you on your eyes and complimenting him (your hubby)on how lucky he is
    nice one(not a mind blower ) but ya know
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      I took the time to reread your poem, seems much better now...

    Well makes me justify what i always said about my eyes color, dull brown.

    Used to know a guy who had color changing eyes, but the blues was not one of the shades,
    it was mostly grey green, grey brown, green.
    They were pretty amazing...
    I can totally see waht u r talking about.

    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, I get it now...your mood is dead sexy and you're intentionally trying to seduce your readers with your eye poetry! AH HA!...OH wait, this was from December 2k4 :)...I've always been a big fan of eyes and eye contact and I think this poem kind of captures that...they effect that eyes can have on people...flow was pretty good and this was pretty easy to read ;)

    Couldn't find much wrong with it :)

    So now you need to write a poem about hair (Only because I've had a hell of a time describing hair :P)

    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this pice alot, i know what you mean about eyes doing things they shouldn't and some times seeing things that they shouldn't.
    i am not at all sure weather or not i have all the same effect with mine as these do but i know whta i have been told that with my eyes alone i would need no words at all. i like the way you put out the idea quickly and firmly setting the pace for the rest. this pice is well wrot and i am glad i took the time to read it.
    i will look around for more of your pices and read them as well. you are talented.
    Love and Light
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Archer | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, I am contemplating takeing a step into being looked at like a wierdo... no one ever believes me when I tell them this until I show them... Oh well. I could relate very well to this because for whatever reason I can read people like a book from body-language and looking into their eyes. I have met people and within 5 minutes of talking with them Ic an tell them so much about their life just by looking in their eyes, I can see people deep secrets, things they try so desperately to hide, it's crazy I know, but I ahve never been wrong. And like you said in this line, which is my favorite...

    "It doesn't surprise me, doesn't amaze me...but it does plague me"

    Sometimes I see things I wish i didn;t know about, or things that make me hurt for them, it's almost never anything good that I can see in ones eyes, it's a depressing gift to have, I often use it to help people oercome things but that often leads to me having to be the bad guy. Often people are shallow, they need someone to hate for the problems they have and so when i am the one who confronts them about it, I a naturally the one who catches the balme and what not. It's bneen the role of my life, but it plagues me... I liked this a lot. Great write.
    Take care,
    Hope you don't think I am an idiot or crazy or anything, most people do until i lookinto their eyes.
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way you described the color changing in the eyes.
    but "these kinds of eyes" seemed a bit awkward as a phrase. this kind seems more appropriate.

    I agree with Katia about the rhyme. I say you divide the V5 - S1 in 2.
    "oh..and did I mention that the color
    can change with my mood."
    that format seems more appropriate.

    Otherwise the poem is a really nice piece, unlike ellisa, I see that the eyes here, are really the mirror of the soul.

    It seems that the eyes change in color, beg plead to get their own way with one person: the "you".
    It is the reaction of the heart and mind seen through the eyes. And some eyes they are. I am curious to see them now :)

    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting, reminds me of a friend of mine. she always said her eyes changed colour. but then i think, depnding on the light most do. (sorry to spoil the magic)...nice ideas, if a tad self obsessive? im not sure if thats entirelyfair i havent read your other work but i just felt it might have been nice to have heard a bit about what happens when you look into others eyes and perhaps a bit more about them...id agree with katia, freeverse would be nice, then you dont clog up with pre-word-rhyme-apprehension (as i like to call it)
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this - the idea is very good, and the way you present it is rather interesting. The only thing that threw me off here was the on-off rhyme...In both the three-line stanza's you have a rhyme, and then its absent everywhere else in the poem...

    It made me stumble, and if you polish it up a bit, it will be a very striking piece of writing :)

    Personally, I say stay with the free verse, but that is, of course, the author's choice in the end :)

    Also, a teeny tiny spelling mistake - Nefertiti :)

    Hope this wasnt too nit-picky, and some of it helps you :)

    All the best,

    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]

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