Description: jus a simple poem for a person whom I have a love-hate r/s with.
to her with (unexpressed) love. -------------------------------------------
there were times when
the unsettled present
was dusted by the cowebs
of a distant past;
and unyielding doors slam
before uttered words of
but then again,
I have found beneath
the protective lid
in the bottomless cans of
the only instant food
prepared with your
unparalleled brand of
equally instant love -
yet unhesitatingly displayed in
a series of offhanded moves
with no alterations to
its intent and nature.
Hey there. I love this. I love the comparison of love to the can of soup. That's clever.
Just having been through one heck of a crappy relationship, I relate to this. I relate directly to the concept here about the love being somewhat "instant" so to speak. Love that is falsely portrayed as being stronger or deeper than it really is.
It seems that the more I see of love the more I realize that most love is unbalanced. There is always one who loves the other more. I think that is often what rips it apart. Then there's the whole unrequited love thing. Which is just...sad.
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece my dear. I'm going to have to read more. ;-)
I totally agree with most if the others, I love the way you compared the relationship with the can of soup, it gives the readers more of an understanding of how "empty" this relationship is, I really liked it and i'll definately have to check out some more of your poems, Take care
All the "un-'s" give this poem the feeling of pulling close--then--pushing away. Nice convention. The last part of the poem is open. I'm not entirely sure what you're saying...and i like it that way. Either i'm just deliriously exhausted (could be), or its clever. I think its clever.
Gotta say i love the image of instant soup...you're relating on a level...we can all identify with. Nice little poem. later, kc
definitely unique! Interesting explanation of the relationship!(not sure if it's a good relatioship but doesn't sound like it) You could starve on only instant soup, ya know!? good expression! Take care!
Yours is a very well written poem, and very well expresses but I think it lacks rhythm. There is no steady beat. Without a beat, it doesn't read so much like a poem.
''the only instant food prepared with your unparalleled brand of equally instant love - seemingly unrequited, unknowingly mutual. yet unhesitatingly displayed in a series of offhanded moves with no alterations to its intent and nature.''
See the above quote when read aloud, sounds instead like a very well and lyricaly written paragraph. I guess you would say, because of the lack of rhythm is is prose. However, you have made a very good attempt, and I like the lack of rhyming words. Most people feel that rhyme is essential to beat where as I think it limits the poet.
Great write. I might be wrong, because it's early in the morning and I'm still tired, but this seems to be full of metaphors... they're great, but at this early time in the morning they seem a bit confusing, almost too much for the poem itself.
Just my opinion... don't be offended. It's great, but a bit much for me.