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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: to her with (unexpressed) love.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wilted_
    ASL Info:    20/f/singapore
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 138/110/29
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1207
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 678



    Description:
       jus a simple poem for a person whom I have a love-hate r/s with.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsto her with (unexpressed) love.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    there were times when
    the unsettled present
    was dusted by the cowebs
    of a distant past;
    and unyielding doors slam
    before uttered words of
    clumsy apologies.

    but then again,
    abundant contents
    I have found beneath
    the protective lid
    in the bottomless cans of
    instant soup.

    the only instant food
    prepared with your
    unparalleled brand of
    equally instant love -
    seemingly unrequited,
    unknowingly mutual.
    yet unhesitatingly displayed in
    a series of offhanded moves
    with no alterations to
    its intent and nature.




    Submitted on 2005-05-13 08:01:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      wow this is awsome and so sad i loved it ha ha ha ha ha ha... i belive my favorite part was

    yet unhesitatingly displayed in
    a series of offhanded moves

    i don't know why but i like this part


    p.s thanks for the compliment on "my hanging child" thank you
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by shygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there. I love this. I love the comparison of love to the can of soup. That's clever.

    Just having been through one heck of a crappy relationship, I relate to this. I relate directly to the concept here about the love being somewhat "instant" so to speak. Love that is falsely portrayed as being stronger or deeper than it really is.

    It seems that the more I see of love the more I realize that most love is unbalanced. There is always one who loves the other more. I think that is often what rips it apart. Then there's the whole unrequited love thing. Which is just...sad.

    I thoroughly enjoyed this piece my dear. I'm going to have to read more. ;-)

    Have an awesome day!

    -Sami
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
      I totally agree with most if the others, I love the way you compared the relationship with the can of soup, it gives the readers more of an understanding of how "empty" this relationship is, I really liked it and i'll definately have to check out some more of your poems, Take care

    -[iZa]-
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by disturbed_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      All the "un-'s" give this poem the feeling of pulling close--then--pushing away. Nice convention.
    The last part of the poem is open. I'm not entirely sure what you're saying...and i like it that way. Either i'm just deliriously exhausted (could be), or its clever. I think its clever.

    Gotta say i love the image of instant soup...you're relating on a level...we can all identify with. Nice little poem.
    later, kc
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      definitely unique! Interesting explanation of the relationship!(not sure if it's a good relatioship but doesn't sound like it) You could starve on only instant soup, ya know!? good expression! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Yours is a very well written poem, and very well expresses but I think it lacks rhythm. There is no steady beat. Without a beat, it doesn't read so much like a poem.

    ''the only instant food
    prepared with your
    unparalleled brand of
    equally instant love -
    seemingly unrequited,
    unknowingly mutual.
    yet unhesitatingly displayed in
    a series of offhanded moves
    with no alterations to
    its intent and nature.''

    See the above quote when read aloud, sounds instead like a very well and lyricaly written paragraph. I guess you would say, because of the lack of rhythm is is prose. However, you have made a very good attempt, and I like the lack of rhyming words. Most people feel that rhyme is essential to beat where as I think it limits the poet.
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Mimevas Lemqi | [ Reply to This ]
      Great write. I might be wrong, because it's early in the morning and I'm still tired, but this seems to be full of metaphors... they're great, but at this early time in the morning they seem a bit confusing, almost too much for the poem itself.

    Just my opinion... don't be offended. It's great, but a bit much for me.

    Unicorn.
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a unique wrute. The comparisions were different. Vivivd wording. A love- hate relationship hmm.. well all I can say is with the mention of food, this poem made me somewhat hungry hehe
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]


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