Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sometimes...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Geraldine
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 241/296/80
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 871
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 569



    Description:
       tell me anything! I need to get some feed back.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSometimes...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes when I see your face
    my heart forgets to beat.
    Sometimes when I hear your voice
    my heart falls to my feet.
    ~
    Sometimes I'm still angry
    for what you've done to me.
    Sometime when I look at you
    the bad is all I see.
    ~
    Sometimes all I want
    is to lean on you again.
    Sometimes all I want in you
    is a true and loyal friend.
    ~
    All of these emotions
    are swirling through my mind.
    Maybe all the answers
    in you I'll finally find.




    Submitted on 2005-05-13 16:26:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is good. ... just take out a few of the sometimes, and all theselines need is a few commas and it will flow better.

    ~
    All of these emotions
    are swirling through my mind.
    Maybe all the answers
    in you, I'll finally find
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the poem, it was really good, and i can understand where your coming from on this...everyone needs that one friend that they can lean on and tell everyone...i almost lost mine...i hope you can find that one person and hold on to them forever
    <3 Krin
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by Krinchinian | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a bit hallmark and sentimental. Not very profound, however, able to be appreciated. I think a good number of people would enjoy this because while it is, albeit, cliché`; it is a subject most everyone can relate to.

    I'd clear up the ending for sure, as it is forced into rhyme and meter and still remains only half a thought.

    Keep up the writing.
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by homeless | [ Reply to This ]
      this was cute! i like it a lot! i mean everyone wants to feel like they have a true and loyal friend! some times i dont feel that way! but i like it a lot! good job! keep writting! its a good realease!
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good. The only thing wrong with it I can see is that the last two lines seem a bit akward. other then that this is really good. Hope you keep on writing
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    58720

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry