Faded Melodies by homeless

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Submission Name: Faded Melodies dots

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Author:	homeless
ASL Info:	30
Elite Ratio:	7.86 - 28/17/21
Words:	67

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nostalgia
Total Views:	237
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	410

Description:
I'm trying to rediscover my voice. This is a simple piece, I guess. Just be honest and sincere in your critique.

Faded Melodies dots

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I wish that I had told you
that you're like a melody
and you're the only song I hear
deep inside of me

I sing the words
you longed to hear
The words they never found
from my lips unto your ear

I wish that I had told you
that you're like a melody
Because even as I hum the tune
you're just a memory

Submitted on 2005-05-13 19:26:01 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
you had the meter in the first stanza, and a little less in the third, but the second stanza seemed very awkward. i don't know if it's the tense in lines 1 and 2 or the beat between 3 and 4. even as a simple piece, another stanza might add some needed depth. good luck with the writing and welcome back.
| Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by closetpoet | [ Reply to This ]

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