Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Faded Melodiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: homeless
    ASL Info:    30
    Elite Ratio:    7.61 - 29/18/23
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1025
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 410



    Description:
       I'm trying to rediscover my voice. This is a simple piece, I guess. Just be honest and sincere in your critique.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFaded Melodiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wish that I had told you
    that you're like a melody
    and you're the only song I hear
    deep inside of me

    I sing the words
    you longed to hear
    The words they never found
    from my lips unto your ear

    I wish that I had told you
    that you're like a melody
    Because even as I hum the tune
    you're just a memory




    Submitted on 2005-05-13 19:26:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you had the meter in the first stanza, and a little less in the third, but the second stanza seemed very awkward. i don't know if it's the tense in lines 1 and 2 or the beat between 3 and 4. even as a simple piece, another stanza might add some needed depth. good luck with the writing and welcome back.
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by closetpoet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    58738

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    less is more written by Daniel Barlow
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    untitled written by Chelebel
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry