Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Faded Melodiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: homeless
    ASL Info:    30
    Elite Ratio:    7.61 - 29/18/23
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 913
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 410



    Description:
       I'm trying to rediscover my voice. This is a simple piece, I guess. Just be honest and sincere in your critique.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFaded Melodiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wish that I had told you
    that you're like a melody
    and you're the only song I hear
    deep inside of me

    I sing the words
    you longed to hear
    The words they never found
    from my lips unto your ear

    I wish that I had told you
    that you're like a melody
    Because even as I hum the tune
    you're just a memory




    Submitted on 2005-05-13 19:26:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you had the meter in the first stanza, and a little less in the third, but the second stanza seemed very awkward. i don't know if it's the tense in lines 1 and 2 or the beat between 3 and 4. even as a simple piece, another stanza might add some needed depth. good luck with the writing and welcome back.
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by closetpoet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    58738

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    The World written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Dream written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry