Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Faded Melodiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: homeless
    ASL Info:    30
    Elite Ratio:    7.61 - 29/18/23
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 887
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 410



    Description:
       I'm trying to rediscover my voice. This is a simple piece, I guess. Just be honest and sincere in your critique.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFaded Melodiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wish that I had told you
    that you're like a melody
    and you're the only song I hear
    deep inside of me

    I sing the words
    you longed to hear
    The words they never found
    from my lips unto your ear

    I wish that I had told you
    that you're like a melody
    Because even as I hum the tune
    you're just a memory




    Submitted on 2005-05-13 19:26:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you had the meter in the first stanza, and a little less in the third, but the second stanza seemed very awkward. i don't know if it's the tense in lines 1 and 2 or the beat between 3 and 4. even as a simple piece, another stanza might add some needed depth. good luck with the writing and welcome back.
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by closetpoet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    58738

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    The World written by jjd
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry