Description: I wrote this in English class. I just had an idea and wrote about what I was thinking of.
A Day in August -------------------------------------------
The great sun sinks slowly into the earth
The chimes jingle and the wind whistles.
A chair rocks and the porch creeks
An old man waits until the time is right
As it approches, he closes his tired eyes
Lays back his head and takes a final breath
And his spirit sinks with the golden sun.
I think the simplicity of this piece is what makes it good. I love the feel of closure- the end of the day, the end of the suns cycle on this side of the earth, the end of the old man's cycle on this side of heaven. The concept of leaving with the "golden sun" was warming. He chooses the right time and decides when to go. I like the idea of his soul traveling with the sun so it is always warm.
Good job. I wouldn't change anything. I think the old man is whomever we make with our own imagination. For me it was my grandfather.
This was pretty good for such a short peice ...It did have a very calm spiritual feeling to it ...Which obviously it needed to give the meaning the back up it needs...I dont think it need expanding personally ...Let people use their own visions of what he looks like and such ....Good Job
This was a really creative subject to write about. I really enjoyed it. You used great imagery...the only thing i would do different is describe the old man more...i am able to picture everthing perfectly but the old man and how he looks. Don't expand on it to much though...some times to much expansions gives off to much confusion. Good idea....
Wow...this was short but very powerful... in my head I can sort of see the whole thing in my head...the sun beaming down on a leave filled yard and an oldman taking his last breath and then his spirit going with the sunlight.. This was a very powerful poem with very good imagry... Very good job my friend...