Description: Not as old as some stuff I've posted here, but older than the newer stuff. Hah, that was confusing.
This was the one I found written on a "missing children" card. This one was amazing to me, because when I found this the other day, reading it immediately re-immersed me in the feelings that were present when I wrote it... I'll leave those feelings up to you guys, but this will probably be a favorite of mine forever merely for the fact that it brings up the feelings so perfectly accurately.
Umm, that is all, and now the description is longer than the poem. I'm such a choad...
Thanks for the Feelings -------------------------------------------
raw meat
A torn hunk of red flesh
surrounded by the sickening scent
sweet and salty and ripe with decay
graceful curves ending in jagged shreds
where part was roughly seperated from the whole
opaque, viscous blood blackens on its surface
you appear to have forgotten this piece of my heart
you so beautifully ripped from my chest
thank you
wow...no-no...don't hold back any bitterness lol. this was grotesque and fabulous!
I have to say though...my twisted perverted mind was thinking of a vagina or rather a womans vagina on the rag.. lmfao i know that is completely nasty but *shrug*
lol, im vegetarian so this was particularly gruesome for me. But at the same time wonderfully delicious. Hmm...the sarcasic twist and the vivid imagery, everything in perfect proportions like a well planned meal...you know one which statisfies the apitite. On this im logging off...finally, for the day, because im not hungry for the kind of poem that fills the stomach any more. this was it. i like what you do thanks for sharing ellisa
i really like this...and seriously...sometimes random things written on whatever we can reach in the spur of the moment tend to turn out to be fantastic...i loved it...the word usuge was brilliant .speaking of raw...this write was defently that so right out there...throwing your emotions right on the table...though i love everything i've read of yours no matter how good or bad you ever think they are this is defently one of my faves it seems so dramatic in the sense it seems hmmn...if i could think it help...lol...i could just imagine it as being part of a story of someone getting their heart broken brutally by someone else...and i love how you've written not just ripped from my heart but beautifully...that just works so well with the mood of the words...and i wouldn't change the structure i think it reads well just how it is...going to my favs...purps
this has a seething quality to it and I doubt that anyone who reads it won't be able to relate. You know, the [censored] we write on cards and newspapers and napkins and such are there because they HAVE to get out right then, while the feelings are still breathing. I can see why this brings the feelings back for you...it is alive with feeling, as painful as those feelings seem to be.
Every time I read your work I am reminded all over again why I dig you so much...you write grit as well as anyone in here, and I love grit.
this is so well described it almost makes you wanna go ewwwwwwwwwww! great stuff.
I don't know why no one commented. this has an incredibly powerful ending and I had not thought at all through the first stanza that you were talking about the heart. wow. this is great. how did everyone miss it? the only thing I would suggest is changing the format of the first stanza and I corrected your spelling as well:
raw meat, a torn hunk of red flesh surrounded by the sickening scent
sweet and salty ripe with decay graceful curves ending in jagged shreds where part was roughly separated from the whole opaque, viscous blood blackens on its surface
like that. then the second stanza just as it is. this is one of your best writes for sure!
Submission Name: Thanks for the Feelings
